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-   -   Why do things have to be so complex? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=9849)

NeonKaos 05-15-2011 03:47 PM

Why do things have to be so complex?
Just about anything I have seen asked or can imagine being asked on this forum can be answered with, "Treat others the way you would want to be treated, and don't settle for anything less than that for yourself."

Why do folks seem to think we and our situations are so "unique" that this does not apply, or that there could possibly be any more to it?

Ivy 05-15-2011 05:00 PM

Maybe because even when that's practiced to the letter, there are incompatibilities, misunderstandings, and heartbreak. Sometimes there's just no solution, but that's a very difficult thing to admit.

And sometimes people just need sympathy and a kind word.

redpepper 05-15-2011 08:31 PM

I think that far too often people think they are unique and special. Why? Because we are taught that. Some cultures don't teach that. Some cultures teach their kids that the betterment of the whole community is what is unique and special, not individuals.

We are set up I think. As kids we are told that we are something special and then somewhere down the line we learn we are not. Its a lie and we lose our trust from that moment on.

Usually this happens in school, like when we are told to line up with all the others to go outside for recess or something. We are made into people that follow along; there is no uniqueness in that, so we clammer for it because we were told once that we are unique and still want to believe that.

We are all the same, we are emotional, all go through events similarly, we all need love, companionship, stable family lives; as much as we need food, water and shelter...

I sometimes think that if people started seeing things in terms of "we are all the same" then a lot of issues would not exist. There would be a lot more compassion for others, a lot more speaking from a heart connection rather than our minds and our ego. I think that there would be a lot more abundance in our lives than scarcity as we as a culture covet what we think is ours...

We are not special. What is special is our ability to give and love without coveting love for ourselves. To be compassionate even if it seems it is at our own cost, makes us ordinary... I don't think it ever is at our own cost. It works and can be practiced... It's what I do here.

NeonKaos 05-15-2011 08:46 PM

Pretty much.

Of course, I realize we are each unique to a certain extent, but there are certain things that we all go through, such as denial, which are not unique. I am quick to "out" perceived denial in others because it helps me examine myself for the same.

AutumnalTone 05-16-2011 01:25 AM

I suspect it's due to the single largest obstacle we encounter when attempting to build fulfilling relationships is ourselves. It is our struggle with ourselves that determines how well we are able to treat others well and assist them in building relationships that are fulfilling to everybody involved.

nycindie 06-18-2011 01:10 AM

I have been thinking about this thread in the last week or so. I read the posts here, and keep coming away with the sense that everyone is really over-complicating things. Well, not everyone, but lots of people get all twisted and confused about choices to make, how to say this or that, how to ask for what they need, how to handle old self-limiting beliefs, devising complex boundaries and negotiations down to the minutiae of their loved ones' interactions, and things like what does it all mean????

Poly is so simple -- love more than one. Why do we get so bent out of shape?

Ilove2men 06-18-2011 01:48 AM

Honestly we really are all unique. Things that are simple to one are scary and confusing to the other and vice versa. Our experiences shape us and as numerical combinations show us... We can go through similar things, yet throw in a different variable and the whole equation is morphed into something comepletely different. Point blank EVERYONE has hang ups. Hang ups it self is the common denominator. Combining hang ups between one person and another (and another and another) Things get complicated. To me complication is simple. No pun intended. Breaking through one's own self constraints is mind blowing and takes alot of balls. Getting over one's own views to see how another's views came to be is equally so. When people can see thiers and other's at the same time... That's when complications go smoother and people can find balance/simplicity amongst each other.

NeonKaos 06-18-2011 03:30 AM

Yes, yes, the sum of everyone's individual experiences is "unique" but PEOPLE are not unique. If everyone's so "unique" then why do they bother coming to this forum seeking like-minded people and asking "has anyone ever been through this before"? INVARIABLY there is ALWAYS someone who has been through SOMETHING similar, or we wouldn't have anything to talk about.

i challenge you to find me a thread or a question on this forum that NO ONE has had something similar or identical to it happen to them.

Ilove2men 06-18-2011 06:34 AM

I don't deny that people have been through similar and sometimes I identical situations. Situations don't make the outcome or experience. The individuals with their contraints make and experience what it is. So because of this the same situation can and does lead people to different emotions and outcomes. In effect to me this is another spectrum. Point A to point B and all the gray in between. I think people come on here asking that question to find similar experiences and how other's have dealt with it to compare and find their own place in that spectrum. I think it's natural to seek guidance from those with experience and when people form questions as " has anyone been through this before" the majority of the time its voicing a fear of "what if I'm the first. What if I have to go through this without guidance."

nycindie 06-18-2011 06:38 AM

What does what you're saying have to do with keeping things simple?

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