How I got here
My story's not the most positive one. I had been with my husband for six years this past January, when I found out he and my best friend had been having an affair for the better part of a year. I was devastated, and felt deeply betrayed by two people I trusted deeply. Further, they told me they didn't want to end their relationship, even though they were each devoted to their respective spouses. They wanted a poly relationship, despite admitting that they'd gone about it all wrong. My trust had been broken, and so I was deeply suspicious about their claims to still care about me after all their acts of selfishness. But, I'm not a person who makes snap decisions, so I took a few months to think about it.
One benefit of having something like this happen is that you become very able to visualize going on without the people you loved, and I found that it wasn't as scary as I thought it would be. I found that there is nothing so precious in my life that I could not give it up, not even my marriage. But I was sad nonetheless by the thought of it ending completely. I love my husband, and didn't want to leave him. I remembered my friendship with his lover and her husband fondly. So, after a lot of thought, I've agreed to an open marriage.
It's been a few weeks, and it's tough. There are a lot of emotions, nerves, questions, misunderstandings... For me, poly is a commitment to love without attachment. I don't decide what makes my husband happy, but I ask him to be generous with love, and try to do the same myself.
There are more good days than bad, and I'm doing my best to move ahead with an open mind, and the desire to learn and grow.
Wow, I admire that you are bouncing back from betrayal from the two people you love most. They are right they did go about it all wrong.
You must do what is best for you. I hope you find the beauty I currently find. But if it is not there for you I understand.
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