Polyamory.com Forum

Polyamory.com Forum (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/index.php)
-   Poly Relationships Corner (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=4)
-   -   Am I a Unicorn? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=9779)

Chupee 05-12-2011 05:01 AM

Am I a Unicorn?
 
I'm twenty, bisexual and pretty.

In high school I had serious relationships (lasting around a year each) with both boys and girls (though not at the same time). I have loved boys and I have loved girls. From age seventeen onwards, however, I felt pretty much straight. While I was still physically attracted to pretty girls and would kiss them or sleep with them, I felt like I could honestly say I didn't like girls any more and the thought of being in a relationship with a girl seemed strange and unnatural, despite having done it in my early teens.

In my first year of university I had a threesome with a guy I was sleeping with and a bisexual girl from my hostel. It was really fun and we all remained friends afterwards.

I watched Vicki Cristina Barcelona and it was the first time that I had even thought about the possibility of a three way relationship. I'd never heard the word polyamory before. I decided to try and make it happen.

I put an ad on a dating website, asking if there were any bisexual girls in my city around my own age who would like to be in a relationship with both me and a guy. I found a girl, Jemima, who is amazing. She's pretty, fun, and we have SO much in common - we both write and like going to plays and watching foreign films together etc. We took it slow because we don't want to get too close so we can develop a relationship with a guy at the same time. After three dates we kissed and it took a couple of drunken sleepovers before we did anything else. I really like her :)

We advertised in the student magazine for a boy and have had about six email responses, and have been on a couple of dates with a couple more lined up. One guy is a definite candidate!

So that is where I'm at. I guess I wanted to know if we are considered "unicorns" because we are attractive young bisexual girls who want a three way relationship - or are we excluded from that category because we are essentially the couple looking for a third?

MonoVCPHG 05-12-2011 05:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chupee (Post 81101)
I

So that is where I'm at. I guess I wanted to know if we are considered "unicorns" because we are attractive young bisexual girls who want a three way relationship - or are we excluded from that category because we are essentially the couple looking for a third?

A Unicorns is a hot unattached bi woman who becomes exclusively involved with a couple. So no..you and your friend do not qualify...sorry:o

nycindie 05-12-2011 07:37 AM

You are twenty years old. It's about time you referred to yourselves as men and women instead of girls and boys, don't you think?

NeonKaos 05-12-2011 12:23 PM

The term "unicorn" as it applies to the "hot bi babe" is more of a way of euphemistically poking fun at couples who have an idealistic vision of what it means to be in a FMF triad. "Unicorns" don't actually exist, although in order to fit the "label", you must be:

FEMALE
SINGLE
BISEXUAL
looking to JOIN and existing male-female COUPLE
willing to be FIDELITOUS (essentially "monogamous") with said couple
and connect EQUALLY with BOTH members of the established couple

So far you are only two of these things. However you and your friend do qualify as "HBB's" (hot bi babes). You shouldn't have any problems finding a "boy" to give it a try with.

Chupee 05-12-2011 12:43 PM

Before I found Jemima, I met up with a couple around my age and I was willing to become a third with them, but they lived to far away, and to be honest, I was attracted to the girl but not her boyfriend. If I had gone with them instead of Jemima, would I have then fit the terminology?

That said, I was never really keen to join an established couple. I didn't want to be the third wheel, there to make their relationship more interesting / better. I wanted us to all start at the same place.
Sorry, I'm not trying to be a unicorn haha, I'm just new to this whole thing and am trying to get my head around the terminology.

As for girls and boys as opposed to men and women - I don't know anyone my age, students especially, who talk about "men and women". None of my friends would say, "I'm looking for a nice man" or "look at that attractive man". It's always boy or guy. We reserve the use of "man" and "woman" for people that are a lot older than us. I don't know if this is a student thing, or a New Zealand thing, but here, it's not said. Too young. :)

NeonKaos 05-12-2011 12:50 PM

LOL, I'm 40 and I refer to myself as someone's "girlfriend", so whatever... But sometimes it sounds juvenile, and to some people it's insulting because it implies that you're still a kid.

It makes no difference to me what you call yourselves.

Ivy 05-12-2011 03:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chupee (Post 81145)
Sorry, I'm not trying to be a unicorn haha, I'm just new to this whole thing and am trying to get my head around the terminology.

Oh good!

I've always had difficulty understanding why anyone would *strive* to be a unicorn (other than the cool mythical animal label). It's a role that is so strictly defined by the desires of the couple involved (Must love both equally? Is it even possible to *plan* that?) that I can imagine one's sense of self getting utterly lost in a magical forest of idealization.

The "unicorn" label is tongue-in-cheek, because real relationships--even between a couple and a hot bi babe--will never fit neatly into such a narrow preordained box.

Of course, a healthy, non-idealized triad is totally achievable, and it sounds like that's what you're working toward. :cool:

redpepper 05-12-2011 07:04 PM

If your concern is that you could be a third wheel, I wouldn't suggest attempting to be a unicorn. You're 20, just date, sleep around and enjoy. I wouldn't take it at all as serious at your age. If I did it all again I would be honest with everyone and communicate openly with everyone about who I'm dating. I'm 41 now. Things get, well, complicated later.


All times are GMT. The time now is 12:29 PM.