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-   -   My third gilfriend: My cat. (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=977)

fastlymagic 10-18-2009 10:52 PM

My third gilfriend: My cat.
Okay, kind of a funny situation, but I thought someone may have encountered it before and could lend a little sage advice.

I have two girlfriends. One of these I live with, and one I do not. The second, who I will call Sue, comes over fairly often for an evening, a weekend, whatever. Now, I have a cat, who we shall call Waffle (God forbid she should read this and get mad! :D). Waffle does not care for Sue. I have a lot of friends who come over regularly, and while Waffle is not the jump-up-in-their-laps type of kitty, she'll at least walk around, brushing against legs and being somewhat social. She never scratches, never bites, she's never mean. If she's upset, she tends to just go upstairs and hide. But when Sue comes around, Waffle will stand out in the open and hiss at her, give her angry mrows, and sometimes make those weird noises cats make that don't really sound like cat noises. Sue smokes, and me and my live-in girl Pam suspect the scent might remind Waffle of Pam's mother, a heavy smoker and Waffle's arch-nemesis. We don't really have many smoker friends so this could be true. Pam, however, has suggested an alternative: Waffle is poly and considers me her mate.

Okay, hear me out here.

Waffle was my "secondary." I was with Pam when Waffle wandered up to the house, started sleeping under my car, and eventually got adopted. Waffle knew from the start that I was with Pam and that she was the new one in the relationship. Now Ive brought in a third female and didn't even bother to ask her about it, so she's mad. My friends are fine, of course, but now there's someone in here I'm having sex with that isn't Pam? She's annoyed.

See, Waffle is mine and Pam's cat, but really, she's mine. I'm her favorite. She wants my lap, wants me to feed her, wants me to pet her. This is not disputed. And Pam thinks that Waffle now feels Sue is a potential rival for my affection. Is there any way that could be true?

It's sort of a silly problem to have, but it's kind of important, too! My kitty is important to me, but so are my girls. I need everyone getting along fine. So how do I make kitty happy??

greenearthal 10-18-2009 11:08 PM

It is clear from what you have written here that Sue should cease smoking and roll around in a big pile of cinnamon branches and smudge herself with catnip smoke before coming over.

Every time.

Ignore this advice at your own peril.

NeonKaos 10-18-2009 11:49 PM

My cats kicked my husband out of our bed.

LovingRadiance 10-19-2009 04:40 AM

Maca says lick it.

No seriously-I think the roll in catnip idea is key and quit smoking!!

HappiestManAlive 10-19-2009 09:03 PM

Waffles will adjust over time. Annes dogs and I are getting used to each other, and I hate dogs and they hate me, lol.

I have a similar situation that doesn't involve a cat, it involves a third person, Lana. It is surprisingly similar in all reality - Violet and I were together, Lana came around, we brought her in (she is now renting our extra room), we love her to death and we're all close but it's not physical and the emotional side is limited because of the non-actual-girlfriend to either of us status. Then Anne comes along, and Lana loves her to death - but there's clearly issues there. If you figure out how to handle the Waffles situation without resorting to catnip baths, let me know - the insight could help, lol.

redpepper 10-20-2009 02:19 AM

oh so cute!! difficult, but cute.

I have two cats. One, Trevor, I have had for 12 years and I was his girlfriend... I met my husband and he was angry for a good time and whiny! Then we had our son and he was even more pissed off, so we got him a girlfriend, Geogria. He was okay with that and certainly loves her, but I am still his primary. Georgia chose my husband as her primary. Neither of them are into our boy, but they tolerate.... low on the compersion so to speak....

Now that we have Mono in our lives have decided that he is their primary and fight over him! The other night they had a huge fight while we were asleep and I had to shoo them out of the room. I told them both if they couldn't behave and share him then they were not allowed in.... I shut the door and went back to bed. A couple of hours later Trevor sheepishly scratched to come back in and slept on the bed all night.... I guess he won the fight for that night :)

rongrong 10-20-2009 03:08 AM

having more then 1 means having more trouble,lies and deceptions,I wont considered that is great achivement

MoonFairy 10-20-2009 05:38 AM

I'm sure Waffles will like me eventually! ;)


LovingRadiance 10-20-2009 05:41 AM

I read "moonfairy" and thought "huh wonder if that is one of the girls?

And it was!
Welcome to you as well moonfairy!!

MoonFairy 10-20-2009 02:55 PM

Thank you!


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