Balance the Paradox
This is maybe a bit of an odd blog. But I think if i write some of my feelings and thoughts out it will help me.
I made the choice back in Dec of 2010 to connect with a man who wanted only a mono relationship on both ends.
Since that time, he and I have been through a lot of ups and downs, none of them relevant to my poly-mono orientation.
But though I am not the least bit pron to infedelity, I am struggling with the fact that he is so so so so so so mono. And i am so so so so poly. O.o
Part of me hopes that one day i will be able to talk him through to some experimenting in poly at least.
But i doubt it. And it frustrates me. And I really miss women.
How do you explain to a man who has been scarred in the past that loving and desiring others temporarily does not impair or lessen my love for him?
I keep a tight reign on myself. But i feel like i am strangling on the leash.
Especially since he is so seldom near. :(
It must be difficult for you. Why did you commit to such a relationship? Even I, as a mono would not entertain a long distance relationship. I can see that for a poly to be in a relationship with a mono would be hard enough, but long distance? You must be getting something truly amazing out of it.
I'm mono with a poly partner and I have chronicled my journey of coming to acceptance. You might want to point your partner at my blog, it could help him come to understand you.
Thank you for commenting. :)
Yes I am getting something truly amazing out of this relationship... mainly that this man is the only person I have ever met who really seems to 'get' me.
Most people get 15%-25% of me. He gets 99%. And if poly is the one thing he doesn't understand, I can forgive him for that.
IT is very hard though. Sometimes I feel like it's unbarable.
And maybe one day, the thought of being without him will be easier to bear than the though of being mono.
If I reach that equalibrium, I will have to change what I am doing right now.
99% is very good odds. But I do know how ultimatums make me feel. I can understand where you are coming from.
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