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-   -   Balance the Paradox (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=9702)

Erosa 05-08-2011 10:47 PM

Balance the Paradox
This is maybe a bit of an odd blog. But I think if i write some of my feelings and thoughts out it will help me.

I made the choice back in Dec of 2010 to connect with a man who wanted only a mono relationship on both ends.

Since that time, he and I have been through a lot of ups and downs, none of them relevant to my poly-mono orientation.

But though I am not the least bit pron to infedelity, I am struggling with the fact that he is so so so so so so mono. And i am so so so so poly. O.o

Part of me hopes that one day i will be able to talk him through to some experimenting in poly at least.

But i doubt it. And it frustrates me. And I really miss women.

How do you explain to a man who has been scarred in the past that loving and desiring others temporarily does not impair or lessen my love for him?

I keep a tight reign on myself. But i feel like i am strangling on the leash.

Especially since he is so seldom near. :(

sage 05-11-2011 12:39 PM


It must be difficult for you. Why did you commit to such a relationship? Even I, as a mono would not entertain a long distance relationship. I can see that for a poly to be in a relationship with a mono would be hard enough, but long distance? You must be getting something truly amazing out of it.

I'm mono with a poly partner and I have chronicled my journey of coming to acceptance. You might want to point your partner at my blog, it could help him come to understand you.

Erosa 05-13-2011 03:23 AM

Thank you for commenting. :)

Yes I am getting something truly amazing out of this relationship... mainly that this man is the only person I have ever met who really seems to 'get' me.

Most people get 15%-25% of me. He gets 99%. And if poly is the one thing he doesn't understand, I can forgive him for that.

IT is very hard though. Sometimes I feel like it's unbarable.

And maybe one day, the thought of being without him will be easier to bear than the though of being mono.

If I reach that equalibrium, I will have to change what I am doing right now.

bitterborn 05-13-2011 09:40 AM

99% is very good odds. But I do know how ultimatums make me feel. I can understand where you are coming from.

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