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-   -   I'm back... not sure what I'm doing (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=9497)

Erin 05-03-2011 01:49 AM

I'm back... not sure what I'm doing
 
Hi everyone,

I can't really explain it, but I'm back. I first joined last fall, then took an abrupt leave of absence this winter. That proved to be unsucessful, so now I'm back.

I'm not really sure what I'm doing, or why I'm reaching out again... I just know that there are deep feelings that my loved one refuses to listen to. I keep trying to make it work but I can't help but want to stray. I think about it all the time.

I don't know what to do!
Thanks,
Erin

nycindie 05-03-2011 08:06 AM

Hi Erin,
I remember you. Welcome back! You were poly a long time ago, I think, but then were having a real tough time in your mono marriage. You were considering leaving, weren't you? Did you try poly at all since the last time you were here? It sounds like, from what you posted now, that you tried to give your marriage another shot and devote yourself to being mono, but I gather that doing so still wasn't satisfying. How have things been going?

When you say you don't know what to do, what are the choices you are wrestling with?

MonoVCPHG 05-03-2011 06:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Erin (Post 79664)
I keep trying to make it work but I can't help but want to stray. I think about it all the time.

I don't know what to do!
Thanks,
Erin

Trying to be in a monogomous relationship while you are feeling this way can't be healthy. Do you know why you want to stray? Could you be specific in what this means to you? To stray could be wanting to pursue emotional connections or simply have sex with other people.

Erin 05-04-2011 04:17 AM

Both posts are bringing up valid questions... I would like to formulate my thoughts and respond tomorrow after work. It was a very long, stressful work day and I want to have a clear head when I truly respond :)

Erin 05-04-2011 10:50 PM

NYC and Mono -

You are correct - I am still in a mono marriage! Last fall, I confessed to him that I have a strong need to be more physically active with others in an open marriage. He asked me to never mention it again or face divorce. I felt guilty, so I honestly gave it a re-attempt. I felt I owed it to him. This is why I was away so long. But nothing changed - once a month if I make the first move. After so many years, my pride is just plain hurt - and I can't bring myself to be the only one making the first move - ever. Then, something happened - someone else became interested in me - and it was very hot but shortlived. And no, nothing actually happened, but we both sure wish it did. The chance of it resparking is very possible, but he has rejected me for now. It's complicated. So this led to the realization that I'm just miserable being mono and am back here to 'talk'. My physical needs are simply not being met - and because I'm unable to live out any of my wishes, I'm interested in exploring all options... really, I'm an clean slate ready to figure out the real me...

Erin :D

nycindie 05-05-2011 01:19 AM

Is he open to therapy? Does he at least allow a discussion about yoru sex life, if not polyamory? Or does he just want you to keep quiet and put up with his "terms?"

Erin 05-05-2011 01:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nycindie (Post 79990)
Is he open to therapy? Does he at least allow a discussion about yoru sex life, if not polyamory? Or does he just want you to keep quiet and put up with his "terms?"

He initially said no to therapy, then admitted last month he may need it. No research effort on either part yet, but I will this weekend. And no, he doesn't want to talk about any part of what I want. It's like pulling teeth! :eek: lol

Erin 05-06-2011 04:52 AM

Irony
 
Funny how a little fear of losing someone can make them start paying attention and making an effort... let's just hope it lasts longer than a few weeks this time... :rolleyes:

magikman79 05-06-2011 09:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Erin (Post 79664)
Hi everyone,

I can't really explain it, but I'm back. I first joined last fall, then took an abrupt leave of absence this winter. That proved to be unsucessful, so now I'm back.

I'm not really sure what I'm doing, or why I'm reaching out again... I just know that there are deep feelings that my loved one refuses to listen to. I keep trying to make it work but I can't help but want to stray. I think about it all the time.

I don't know what to do!
Thanks,
Erin

It's ok, I don't know why I do some of the things I do too lol
Welcome Back :)


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