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-   -   How to handle this? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=9460)

TL4everu2 05-01-2011 02:01 PM

How to handle this?
 
Ok, so LT and I posted an ad on craigslist looking for another cpl....We got a few responses from couples, and a LOT of responses from single guys just wanting to fuck LT. LOL They got deleted, and most of the cpls did too. HOWEVER, we DID respond to one cpl. We met them one day for coffee at Starbucks. We all sat, in the sun, for 4 hours talking. LT and I explained to them, that we desired a sexual relationship with them as well as a more mental one. They said that was what they were looking for also. They assured us that there were no jealousy issues.

They were nice enough, and easy-ish to talk to. So LT and I scheduled a second "date" with them. They bailed last minute. Citing the male's insecurities....down there. :rolleyes: Anyway, LT and I talked to them, and tried to re-assure them that wasn't an issue, as we are built the way we are built and that we liked them for who they were so far, not just physically.

We scheduled for another day. This time, we decided to go for a motorcycle ride. It was enjoyable. We all joked and had a good time. Nothing sexual happened at all. It was still VERY enjoyable.

So, now we are up to speed....Well, last night, we went over to their place, and LT gave the male a professional massage. Now, while she did that, I sat on the couch talking with the female half, in the front room. Things were going well. Then she and I got into a (fully clothed) pillow fight. We were laughing and having a good time. Well, the male half didn't like that apparently, and told me later that I needed to slow down, and that jealousy hit him.

He actually took me outside to tell me this. While he and I were outside, the wife asked my wife is we were seeing anyone else and said they thought that we were exclusive when dating a couple. LT explained to her that we usually ARE Exclusive when dating a couple, but that we didn't feel we were in a "relationship" with them yet.

We are thinking we just want to keep it a friendship if that with them. So...How do we tell them this? We have a suspicion that they are flagging our ads on Craigslist on a regular basis. So they are somewhat stalker-ish.

NeonKaos 05-01-2011 03:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TL4everu2 (Post 79491)


We are thinking we just want to keep it a friendship if that with them. So...How do we tell them this? We have a suspicion that they are flagging our ads on Craigslist on a regular basis. So they are somewhat stalker-ish.

Yopu know your situation better than any of us ever could aspire to; you're telling us this and asking US what you should do? :eek:

I would block the fuck out of them and get into the witness-protection program, and have plastic surgery on top of that just to err on the side of caution.

But that's just me. You asked.

LT4everu2 05-01-2011 03:40 PM

wow he(the other guy) just sent me a message on facebook: thank again L 'but now the problem is the want for more.
I sat there going WTF just last night my hubby was going to fast with a pillow fight while you was getting a massage in another room. Wow some ppl.
And no drinking last night so he cant say he was drunk.

nycindie 05-01-2011 04:48 PM

Just tell them you both feel it's not going to work out, wish them well, and say "Take care." If they get in touch again, ask them not to contact you anymore.


Did you give them your real numbers? Or a Google Voice phone number? I love GV, it forwards to your phone(s), receives texts and voicemails, and you can block people, who never had your real phone number to begin with.

If you think your ads are being flagged on CL, maybe start re-wording them so it looks like they're coming from different people for a while. They might not think it's you. Or maybe there's just someone going around flagging couples ads.

LT4everu2 05-01-2011 04:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nycindie (Post 79502)
Did you give them your real numbers? Or a Google Voice phone number? I love GV, it forwards to your phone(s), receives texts and voicemails, and you can block people, who never had your real phone number to begin with.

Wow never heard of this before now. SO going to do this now. TY:D

Danny40179 05-01-2011 09:30 PM

YIKES! I agree that honesty is the best policy. You said yourself that you aren't in a relationship with them yet. I also love the idea of that google voice!! Thank you for that valuable bit of information!!

Good luck and keep us posted on how things go.

nycindie 05-01-2011 09:44 PM

And if they persist in asking why, just say, "We don't feel we're really compatible." You don't have to rehash stuff, like saying, "Well, when you did this and she said that, blablabla..." Not necessary.

TL4everu2 05-03-2011 02:04 AM

Ahhh....Free at last.

Sent them a message via Facebook just a few minutes ago, and took them off our friends lists. I told them that we had talked together, and didn't feel the relationship would work out. I also wished them good luck in finding what they are looking for in the near future.

Before I could take them off our friends list, the male had sent a response back saying he felt like shit and felt it was his fault. (and it really kinda was) I am not responding to him. Hopefully, they loose our phone number. :rolleyes: I fully suspect that any ads we post on Craigslist, will be flagged immediatly. Sigh...Oh well. Thats ok anyway. I've given up on Poly for right now anyway. Dunno if I'll revisit it or not. No jealousy issues at all....Just tired of games.

Erosa 05-03-2011 03:59 AM

Sounds like you made a good choice :) best of luck finding a couple who fits your relationship better! :)

HappiestManAlive 05-03-2011 04:36 AM

We have had similar experiences with couples, to the point where we kinda just don't bother anymore. Not that we're not open to the idea, it's just that so many of them are... Well, weird or insecure or REALLY open swinger types or or or...

The two that we still associate with still have weird dynamics that don't flow so well, but we still get along with them.

One couple we get along with really well. She's VERY into me, and she's VERY into my girls, and I'm okay with her, and my girls are okay with her, and HE's VERY into my girls - but neither of my girls are into HIM AT ALL, and they don't play separately. So we just hang out sometimes.

Another couple is the exact same story, except she's only moderately into me as well. Both he & I are okay with the girls having their own thing, so maybe that goes somewhere, & she's actually leaving him soon (she has confided in us) and jokes about just moving in with us, but that would be more than a little awkward, and we're not so hot on the idea for obvious reasons.

Our biggest challenge is that while we are somewhat more "open" and "swinger-ish" than a lot of poly groups, the girls are more polygamous-minded and don't easily find interest in other men. ESPECIALLY Violet. They set me up with ladies all the time, but getting them to even have coffee with a guy - even one they like - takes an act of congress. At least when Adrian was here we could say - "See?! SHE plays with other guys, we're not off limits to men!" LOL.


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