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-   -   *shy wave* (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=9440)

orcasandowls 05-01-2011 03:13 AM

*shy wave*
 
Hi everyone, I'm E. I'm 22, I've identified as poly since I knew that the word existed. I had the concept in my head well before that, I just thought I was a weirdo who needed to settle down.

I'm part of a happy little triad. I have a wonderful boyfriend (D) and an amazing girlfriend (C), and they are conveniently married to each other! D and C met in high school, started dating in college, and have been together for years and years. They've also got two amazing daughters, twins who are nearly two years old. We're still figuring this relationship out and learning what normal is for us and how to communicate with each other, but so far we're doing a pretty good job. Hopefully we'll keep up the good work: I'm scheduled to move in by the end of June. I'm excited and nervous, but I think I may have found my family with these two. Moving in is a risk, but I'm willing to chance it.

I'm really psyched to find this forum, I'm looking forward to meeting other poly people!! I have lots of friends who are open-minded and tolerant, but I don't know anyone else actually trying to do the poly thing.

Ivy 05-01-2011 06:05 AM

Hi E! I'm new here, too, but thought I'd say hello. You seem totally okay with your partners' family situation--the existence of little kiddos, that is--and I wanted to let you know how awesome that is. Some people can't handle how much time they require, or how their well-being tends to upstage everything else. But you sound like you're ready to handle it! :cool:

orcasandowls 05-01-2011 06:28 PM

Hi Ivy!

I actually really love their kids. They're bright and funny, and so full of energy. I was never really a kid person, but these two have charmed me beyond belief. As for handling the fact that their needs come first, well...of course they do. They do require a lot of time and attention, but they're awesome little people and I'm so glad they like me. Living in the same house as them is going to take some getting used to, but I think it'll be an interesting experience. Just another adventure!

MrFarFromRight 05-02-2011 11:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by orcasandowls (Post 79432)
I'm part of a happy little triad. I have a wonderful boyfriend (D) and an amazing girlfriend (C), and they are conveniently married to each other! D and C met in high school, started dating in college, and have been together for years and years. They've also got two amazing daughters, twins who are nearly two years old. We're still figuring this relationship out and learning what normal is for us and how to communicate with each other, but so far we're doing a pretty good job. Hopefully we'll keep up the good work

Sounds good! And pay attention to that communication. So often, problems arise because A assumes that B meant something that was very far from B's mind.

I think that one thing that you should talk fully about - before you move in - is what might be called the hierarchy of the relationships. If (for example) because of NRE (new relationship energy) you feel that you're just as important to bf as his wife is - or as important to gf as her husband is - and they know perfectly well that if the going gets rocky, it's you that has to be abandoned... that's the sort of dynamic you all should be clear about now.

I agree with Ivy that it's great (and important if you're going to be moving in) that you're fine with the children. I would personally go further and hope that you consider them, too, as part of your family. (Although this is something else that you should all 3 understand each other on: some people are willing to share their husbands [or wives] but NOT their children!)
Quote:

Originally Posted by orcasandowls (Post 79432)
Hopefully we'll keep up the good work

This is up to the 3 of you. As long as you all believe (and feel) that your relationship(s) are worth working on, there IS hope for you.
Quote:

Originally Posted by orcasandowls (Post 79432)
I'm really psyched to find this forum, I'm looking forward to meeting other poly people!! I have lots of friends who are open-minded and tolerant, but I don't know anyone else actually trying to do the poly thing.

We're glad you found us! Looking forward to reading more about you...
Welcome!!!:):):)

orcasandowls 05-03-2011 06:19 AM

Quote:

Sounds good! And pay attention to that communication. So often, problems arise because A assumes that B meant something that was very far from B's mind.
We all had a chat about a month ago that made us realize how possible that is, and we've been working on our communication ever since. We put aside time to talk to each other and check in, and to figure things out as they come up. So far, so good :D

Quote:

I think that one thing that you should talk fully about - before you move in - is what might be called the hierarchy of the relationships. If (for example) because of NRE (new relationship energy) you feel that you're just as important to bf as his wife is - or as important to gf as her husband is - and they know perfectly well that if the going gets rocky, it's you that has to be abandoned... that's the sort of dynamic you all should be clear about now.
We've actually discussed this a bit in the past, and I know that while I'm very important to them, and I'm considered family, if it came down to it, their marriage comes first. I understand that, and I'm glad I'm aware of it now. I also understand that it would take a whole lot for them to want me out of the picture completely.

Quote:

I agree with Ivy that it's great (and important if you're going to be moving in) that you're fine with the children. I would personally go further and hope that you consider them, too, as part of your family.
They are family. They're tiny little weird and wonderful people, and I'm very happy I'm getting to know them. I'm more comfortable with them than I ever expected to be, and I really love it!

MrFarFromRight 05-03-2011 07:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by orcasandowls (Post 79699)
[The children] are family. They're tiny little weird and wonderful people, and I'm very happy I'm getting to know them. I'm more comfortable with them than I ever expected to be, and I really love it!

:):):) (If you read some of my posts, you'll realise how important children are to me.) You are very lucky to have this opportunity. You can learn SO much from children. They put no limits on Love.
All the best to all of you!


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