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-   -   Hello there! (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=944)

esedkudiln 10-13-2009 11:01 AM

Hello there!
Hi! I'm Richard, 40 years old, lived through and enjoyed both monogamous and open relationships. Engaged to a wonderful women who I met through work three years ago. Lust on first sight; love developed quickly and strongly. We live in two different European cities that are a 90-minute flight apart. We see each other every other week or so for three or four days. Hopefully our jobs will allow us to move to the same place sometime soon.

My experience in previous relationships has taught me that I am most interested in having a "half-open" relationship. I don't want to limit the freedom of the woman I love, but I want to be monogamous myself. Besides, it turns me on to know that the woman I love and who loves me is chased by others. However, it's absolutely key for me to know I'm her "number one". I found out in a previous relationship that sometimes I need quite a bit of reassurance. Her lusting for others wouldn't upset me, her falling in love with others definitely would.

We communicate well, and she knows my feelings and preferences. She is glad I'm honest about them, and agrees that it's better to be open than to do things behind the other person's back. Yet she says she wants to be monogamous with me, and that's perfectly fine with me. But she also knows she'll never have to feel guilty if and when something were to happen with someone else, as long as she doesn't lie about it.

That's the intro. Now I'll post a dilemma in another part of the forum...

AutumnalTone 10-13-2009 04:07 PM

Welcome to the boards.

That distance thing is a pain. My most recent ex was a four-hour drive away and that didn't help things at all.

HappiestManAlive 10-13-2009 08:04 PM


I can't so LD relationships. Tried ONCE. Never again (knocks on wood).

esedkudiln 10-14-2009 11:34 AM

Thanks for the welcome! Yes, long distance is a pain, although so far it has worked for us. We do realise though that work has become too big a part of both our lives, and that someone, somewhere needs to give. It'll be the big Christmas discussion this year.

But yes, there are moments we'd wish we could simply lie in each others' arms and comfort each other. Right now is one of those moments. I write about it in a different post: http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=945.

We're not afraid of losing each other because of the distance, or that we would grow apart. I guess we're more afraid of losing time. Time to spend together, perhaps with others, and to start a family.

LovingRadiance 10-14-2009 09:47 PM

Time is a huge thing.
Maca worked out of town and overtime a LOT during the early years of our marriage. Our 3 oldest children-he missed a LOT with them and it shows. Bothers him sometimes.
The youngest one he's been here day in and day out with-and she's a total daddy's girl. He loves it-but also it reminds him of what he missed with the others.
It's so easy to see in parent/child relationships-the importance of time spent, because the things you miss are so obvious as they grow up. But it's true in friendship and lovers as well. Every minute you are apart is a minute you are each growing-on your own.
I've done the LD thing-but I don't think it's functional forever.
No offense-just thinking out loud!

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