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-   -   Just wondering? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=935)

Tahirabs 10-12-2009 05:15 PM

Just wondering?
Really I am not a person for labels...ever, but i was wondering what the people here thought. This whole polyamory thing is new to me and there for extreamly interesting. My girlfriend, who lives with us, and I are very much in love and I am married. While my husband says he Loves my girlfriend (K) and I know he does in his own way he still continues t tell me that what he and I have is completly different and special compaired to how he feels about K. I have seen my husband care deeply for K (she recently sprained her ankle), but still he tells me what we have is different.

I have also heard K say the same things to me. She says she loves my husband as a very close friend and while she does not mind beign sexual with the two of us (we mainly do sexual things when it is just the three of us {when it is just me and her we only "make out"} together. )I know she would be a little uncomfortable doing things with him alone. K told me she was a lasbin intersted in Polyamory when I first met her (that is how i learned about Polyamory).

From my view I love both of them yes in differnt ways, but mostly equally in amount (if one had to mesure love (or had a way to)). So my question was what others opions was on our relationship. V or Triad? I feel alot of the time that I am the one at the bottom being loved by two peole (wonderful), but i really want them to be close. Humm...

Tahirabs 10-12-2009 05:15 PM

I hope what I wrote makes sence I tend to confuse people in my writing.

AutumnalTone 10-13-2009 04:18 PM

Sounds to me like it's a V. Your husband and your girlfriend are tied much more intimately to you than to each other, even though all three of you share sexual relations.

The only suggestion I'd make is to not expect all sex play to involve all three of you. You and her without him and you and him without her would be reflective of the emotional ties that already exist and can complement the threesome experiences well. If he and she don't get together without you, that's OK, as there's nothing to be gained from forcing things to meet artificial expectations.

Having a V doesn't preclude the three of you also acting like a triad at times. When it comes down to it, the members of a V have to relate to two other people, the same as in a triad. So loving and caring for the other end of a V isn't unusual in the slightest--and it's a very, very good thing.

Tahirabs 10-13-2009 05:43 PM

Thank you for the explination it helped and it does make seanse thanks. Last night my husband and i got in a big fight and that always upsets K as her parents had vilent abusive fights. My husband and i get loudand yell sometimes, but we never are vilent. I finialy found out that my husband was feeling a little less loved and that there were a few small things he wants me to change. I told him that he is first in my life and that no matter what he asks in regards to the three of us I'd do, even make my self not love K. He said he'd never ask me to do that and that made me very happy. He just wants me to be aware of his needs more. It is deffinitly a bumpy road right now since none of us have been down this path. I hope it gets better and quick I have such few preshess moments to share with both of them together. :( ::sigh::

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