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-   -   Explaining my new love... who lives across the glob! (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=934)

Tahirabs 10-12-2009 04:55 PM

Explaining my new love... who lives across the glob!
New developmet... I can't eblieve how happy I am. I told you all about our "friend" me and my husband meet from Finland well we have gotten so much closser. We now are calling each other "girlfriend" at least between the three of us. We have and multiple sexual experiances, but always together as the three of us. After sleeping with my husband all night she and I lay in bed together every morning before I go to work, talk, kiss, maybe make out. It is wonderfull. My husband is so great. He constintly tells me he just doesn't want to feel like a 3rd wheel, wants to be includded, and that he loves K too. He has even told her that a few times, though not as much as I have . The three of us have always been totaly open and honest. I have talked with K about her feeling "left out" or "used" and she says she never does. The bad thing is she goes back home in Dec. I will miss her so much. Every time I think about her leaving I feel my heart breaking. She is such a kind person she tells me regularly (and is teaching me) to "live in the moment" "be happy she is here now" and to be a "happy and Joyful being". I am tryign really... it is just so hard :o. The three of us have even talked about K moving back in wiht us when she has earned more money back in her home land. One never knows what the futer holds! Right now K has twisted her ancle and is at home with ice resting. I hope she feels better soon, I love taking care of her, but I don't like to see her in pain. Well I hope this explains things to everyone better. I am sorry for my confusing first post... I have never had an experiance like this before. EVEN MY HUSBAND WILL ADMIT THAT WE HAVE A POLAMORY RELATIONTIP!!! I LOVE IT!!!

ladyjools 10-13-2009 01:30 AM

you sound really happy,
starting out in polyamory is always such a jorney, for me it was enlightening an adventure that changed my entire outlook on life, i am a much happier more open loving person because of my lifestyle.

it sounds like at the moment you are all living in the moment and thats great but also its very understandable that you are worried about how you will feel when your new love has to go home, that is going to hurt, it is ok to alknoladge that it will hurt,

it also looks like you are talking about a solution, her coming back over,
there are many options for long distance relationships so it doesn't have to end and for now she is here with you and you can develop things,


Tahirabs 10-13-2009 05:49 PM

thanks... but why do we fight?
Thank you for the advice it helpes and I am trying to both live for now but think about what we might do in the future. Kind of a hard balancing act. Last night my husband and i got in a big fight and that always upsets K as her parents had vilent abusive fights. My husband and i get loud and yell sometimes, but we never are vilent. I finialy found out that my husband was feeling a little less loved and that there were a few small things he wants me to change. He told me that the only thing that would 100% "fix" things is to split me in two, but he knows that's not possible. He said he loves K, in his own way, but that he does love me more/different. He said while he likes the sex and the time the three of spend together he also wants me all to him self. I said well it is impossible to have me all to yourself and to have the fun time with all three of us, doing both at once just is impossible. He said he knew that and that is why he is so confused. I told him that he is first in my life and that no matter what he asks in regards to the three of us I'd do, even make my self not love K. He said he'd never ask me to do that and that made me very happy. He just wants me to be aware of his needs more. We talekd calmer and more one-on-one deeper than we ever have before and I have learned alot. It is deffinitly a bumpy road right now since none of us have been down this path. I told K the next morning that she is helping us to grow closer and has taught me and my husband to communicate better. She said that is all she wants for us. She also said she did not sleep all night because she was worried/thinking about us. I hope things gets better and quick I have such few moments to share with both of them together. ::sigh:: Any advice anyone?

ladyjools 10-14-2009 12:19 AM

i don't know if you have seen this before but this is a really good resource for people starting out in polyamoury it helped myself and my partners out a lot i give it to everyone who gets involved with me to read over


you guys seem to be on right track you are talking and being honest that is the most important thing


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