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-   -   Not exactly but close enough. (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=9164)

Grady40 04-25-2011 12:54 AM

Not exactly but close enough.
 
Hello I'm J.
I recently came to find out i was leading a lifestyle i knew nothing about and it has me buzzing. I am married but separated and still in love with my wife. We are occasionally intimate and are often together for family functions both large and small. I still kiss her goodnight when i leave after stopping by and tell her i love her. I will always love her.

There has been too much pain and hurt in the past to make our relationship a traditional one again. We have agreed and negotiated a few years ago that she would stay my wife and we would live apart as she has a serious medical issue that needs expensive medication and i have good insurance. We would be open about any dating sexual encounters and take care not to in a rush of hormones to put our family in any harm. She was free to decide to no longer be sexually intimate if i had other partners and it would not affect our arrangement. I made sure to explain that as the mother of my children and still my wife that she would not only be excepted but genuinely affectionately included in my immediate family gatherings. They and her were free to do as they wished as far as that end was concerned. The only thing i made clear to her and them was I would at some point date and they had accept my future partner as they did her.

All of this had created a huge personal burden for me. I was out in the cold accepting situations that made dating and finding someone to have daily emotionally intimate contact with impossible i thought. When trying to date i had to keep this quiet till i felt some level of trust and then surprise women with, "Hey I'm staying married and then tell them some bullshit about how its been over for this long and stuff but I'm doing it for the kids." I was forced to deny the best part of me, that i was capable of loving my wife despite our past troubles and love another just as intently for different reasons. You can imagine the relief that flooded my body when i found that there are people who would accept, no embrace this. I will no longer have to hide the situation and pretend anymore.

I am at peace for now.


Sorry if its long and rambling, but I'm all over the place right now. I owe fate a great deal for showing me others like me and someone i just met at least a nice meal and dirnks just for being fates messanger.

mettwo 04-25-2011 01:01 AM

Aw, your post made me smile. I'm starting to really like this place!

Grady40 04-25-2011 02:36 AM

whoops should've been in introductions area. My bad.

AutumnalTone 04-25-2011 02:50 AM

Welcome aboard.

OshunsDaughter 04-25-2011 08:31 AM

Welcome :) Feels great to find your tribe yes?

Grady40 04-25-2011 11:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OshunsDaughter (Post 78269)
Welcome :) Feels great to find your tribe yes?

Yesterday it felt awesome, today it brings fear. Lol.

Carma 04-25-2011 03:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Grady40 (Post 78290)
Yesterday it felt awesome, today it brings fear. Lol.

Ah ha ha well welcome to the roller coaster, then!;)

OshunsDaughter 04-25-2011 03:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Grady40 (Post 78290)
Yesterday it felt awesome, today it brings fear. Lol.

LOL, welcome to your new family with whatever disfunction and all of the love that is here.

Grady40 04-25-2011 08:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OshunsDaughter (Post 78344)
LOL, welcome to your new family with whatever disfunction and all of the love that is here.

lol... There are just so many more questions i have to ask myself and hopefully figure out that its frightening. The realization was easy, the excitement was foolish and luckily enough i didn't pre-NRE ejaculate too badly. I did however come off as a total douche bag to a poly from somewhere else and lost a local connection that might have helped me with all of this.

I guess better to step on my you know what now when I'm just lost and overstimulated than later when i should know better.

and thank you all for the greetings

Magdlyn 04-26-2011 02:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Grady40 (Post 78438)
i didn't pre-NRE ejaculate too badly...

I guess better to step on my you know what now when I'm just lost and overstimulated than later when i should know better.

What do you mean here? Trying to think with both heads instead of just letting Mr Happy lead the way?


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