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-   -   New..to everything (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=914)

sparklypleasures 10-08-2009 12:40 AM

New..to everything

Fidelia 10-08-2009 04:43 AM

Hello there, Sparkly SisterWoman, and welcome to the forums!

Being pressed for time, I'll get right to it:


Originally Posted by sparklypleasures (Post 8528)
The question is.....is this polyamory or something else?

Sure sounds poly to me.


Originally Posted by sparklypleasures (Post 8528)
Are we too old?



Originally Posted by sparklypleasures (Post 8528)
Is this just a lifestyle for young people? Loads of the poly sites are full of people who are into some pagan or BDSM or some other fetish lifestyle as well. Can't we just be normal, vanilla, poly people?

The important thing, IMO, is to be who you really are. So yes, be your normal, vanilla, poly selves.


Originally Posted by sparklypleasures (Post 8528)
Are there any poly groups anywhere near Cincinnati? See..I'm new.

Can't help you there. Sorry. Try Yahoo! Groups. Iv'e had good luck there.

Again, welcome to the forums. And best of luck to you all.

One more question: where is your girlfriend's husband? You refer to her as a wife. What are his feelings on these new developments?

MonoVCPHG 10-08-2009 06:16 AM


Originally Posted by sparklypleasures (Post 8528)
Can't we just be normal, vanilla, poly people?

Of course you can LOL! Poly is just more excepted in non-vanilla more sex positive environments.
I'm vanilla as milk and I'm in this :)

redpepper 10-08-2009 06:16 AM

sorry, I'm a bit confused... somewhere in there (please go back and put paragraphs, I beg of you :p) you mentioned a husband and a daughter no?

Where do they play in to this?

Is she unicorn then? (hope you've done your reading... this is a test, heh :p)

If so, then barrel on ahead, no age or level of vanillaness required.... if she is married with kids then I'm thinking that there may be some consulting to do with her husband about the level of involvement you can have with her. A "married" situation might not be okay with him, or her for that matter. It sounds like you want a triad... how do you see that working with her other responsibilities to people.

vandalin 10-08-2009 07:35 AM

Another question that had not been brought up, where does the other hubby fit in? Does he know what's going on with his wife and you and your husband?

NeonKaos 10-08-2009 12:06 PM


Originally Posted by sparklypleasures (Post 8528)
The question is.....is this polyamory or something else?

So far it sounds like a secret affair to me.

Other people have already asked "What about the lady's husband?"

sparklypleasures 10-08-2009 04:01 PM

Thanks so much to everyone for the acceptance and for the smiles. I feel much better now.
I'm going to just try to reply to all responses here in one post so here goes...
I did not do my research/reading so I have no idea what a unicorn is. I'm sorry.
Our lady is married and has 3 grown children and a 10 year old. Her husband is a miserable, controlling man who treats her pretty much like a slave. (all BJs for him, no oral for her and penetration only 3 times in about the last 5 years). At this point he doesn't know but we are prepared to address that issue soon.
The daughter doesn't really know about the relationship but she knows that they both come here to spend every weekend. She hasn't asked questions yet but her father frightens her so I think she is relieved to be out of the home for a few days as well. Plus I give her crocheting lessons which she loves.
The wife reference is about lack of a more appropriate word. I don't know what to call her. We have told her that we don't want her to feel like just some lady that hubby and I are having sex with. We want her to feel like an equal in this whole thing. I told her that I want her to feel like my hubby is just as much hers as he is mine, which is just about when the word wife popped into my head.
So...as you can see...we're new, maybe confused, curious, in loved and ready to learn. Thanks so much for being so helpful.
From your new, vanilla friends
sparklypleasures and sweet cheeks and as-yet-unnicknamed-lady

NeonKaos 10-08-2009 04:22 PM

OK, I'm about to "judge" something, so cover your eyes and ears:

This "wife" needs to get things straightened out with HER situation before she can be an "equal" part of YOUR situation.


sparklypleasures 10-08-2009 05:25 PM

no need for gasping and you're not really judging...just stating the obvious. We can't spend the rest of our lives having her over on weekends. We need to get everything squared away. This is sort of a secret lifestyle anyway isn't it but with the hubby being in the dark that makes it worse.

NeonKaos 10-08-2009 05:32 PM

This is not the first time someone has come on here and said "We have a girlfriend but she's involved with someone else and he doesn't know about ussss..."

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