I am here for advice in my fairly new "possible" poly situation.
I am a middle aged "young" grandmother, married to my husband of 2 yrs, we have been together for 4. I was previously married for 16 yrs ( very bad marriage) and released myself from it 5 yrs ago. During that time I was very religious, and during my bible studies I would ponder the poly relationships through out the bible. I always thought that this seemed like something I would like, however never pursed it with my then husband. I left religion and my husband with a fresh look on life.
When I met my current husband I was swept off my feet, he is exciting, dynamic and very romantic. I was hooked, but he at the time was not ready for a committed relationship, as he was coming off a hard break-up. After many months of getting to know him, I realized that this man loved women, and he had years of failed relationships because of this love. We discussed in length why he thought this may be, and we came to the conclusion that he is poly by nature. I however have never been like that, I have always been very monogamous and had very few relationships in comparison. So I knew at that time I needed to make some decisions before I continued on this journey.
Our first test was to try swinging. I found out that although I absolutely adore the couples we met, and man did we have a lot of fun partying, I was really not interested in other men or in other women. He was obviously in heaven. I had some jealousy's but not so much that we couldn't work it out and overcome it. As time went on I decided to let him try having a woman on the side, but only as a trist or two, nothing serious. The women he chose were very safe and I really liked them, but they were not interested in much else either. I felt so safe with them that I never felt a twinge of jealousy.
We have had a couple of brushes with mis communication that caused arguments, but we quickly work them out. I did like the excitement that all this brought into our relationship, it never felt like we have stopped dating. But then recently we happened on a girl that is kinda changing everything.
We met her about a month ago and wow, talk about a perfect fit. Too perfect. She is very much like us, he is wildly attracted to her, and I really like her as a friend as well. However, here comes the green eyed monster, I am seeing him act differently with her. He touches her different, he gets excited when she comes around, and my inner monkey is screaming. Intellectually I understand him and polyamory, on the other hand I am pretty freaked. I think she may be falling for us, or him. She wants to spend nearly every weekend with us, at first is was fun, but she is really telling me how much she likes being with us. I am just looking for some seasoned advice. I knew what I was getting into when I met my husband, but now that it is upon us, I am not sure I can do it...Sorry so long. Thanks for any advice.
Your story really touched a cord in me.
All I'd like to say is communicate. With your Husband - with this other woman who has come into both your lives. Keep talking about how you feel, what your wants and desires are, what your boundaries are for these ongoing relationships.
The fact that you've come this far and understand his needs and your own are what is going to sustain you as you walk on the circle of love and life. Just keep the communication alive.
I can only hope that you'll find the way to continue on the great journey you've started. Poly is hard - I mean really hard at times. When you add more then just 2 to the equation it can get very hard but it's all worth the effort and joy and time and sometimes pain if we all just remember to talk to one another.
So good luck and welcome to the Forums. I'm sure there will be other great advise and support here for you.
Thank you so much for your reply. I guess this is what I am wanting to know. Is it really worth it. I suppose I should read some good success stories here. With only a little toe in the Poly water, it sure has made a big impact on me so far. Thanks :)
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