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-   -   can a poly love a mono? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=891)

Kraven 10-02-2009 09:59 PM

can a poly love a mono?
 
i'm polyamorous....does that mean i have to date other Polyamorous women or should i broaden my horizon? Can i date a mono and still live my lifestyle or am i doomed to resort to like minded individuals?

Is there anyone out there living this way, loving a mono? If so then what has your experience been like?

LovingRadiance 10-02-2009 10:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kraven (Post 8191)
i'm polyamorous....does that mean i have to date other Polyamorous women or should i broaden my horizon? Can i date a mono and still live my lifestyle or am i doomed to resort to like minded individuals?

Is there anyone out there living this way, loving a mono? If so then what has your experience been like?

Great question! I love two mono's. The thing is-that you and they must accept that what is needed for you-isn't what is needed for them and vice versa-but yes you can love a mono if you are a poly and a mono can quite certainly love a poly as well. It just requires a great deal of respect, understanding and acceptance of one anothers differences.

vandalin 10-02-2009 11:30 PM

Simply put, yes, a poly can love a mono. That doesn't mean that the mono will accept their love living a poly lifestyle or that they will join into a poly family (as I am learning the hard way) but basically a V relationship is just that, one poly with two mono's otherwise it becomes a W or a tangle or some other form.

If you want to have a truly poly relationship and a truly healthy relationship then you will have to at least have your partners', whether mono or poly, acceptance of your poly ways.

And if you've read any of the forum you may have noticed that Redpepper loves a mono man, MonoV in fact.

redpepper 10-03-2009 03:48 AM

Are you serious! Have you read anything on this forum???:p

Of course you can....

Not without tons of work, but then poly is work anyway.

Ceoli 10-03-2009 02:02 PM

Is it just me or does using words like "a poly" and "a mono" make it sound like two different species of animals or two different gangs or something like that? The Poly's vs. The Mono's.

We're people! Being poly or mono is about how we have relationships!

(taking my tongue out of my cheek now)

LovingRadiance 10-03-2009 04:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ceoli (Post 8228)
Is it just me or does using words like "a poly" and "a mono" make it sound like two different species of animals or two different gangs or something like that? The Poly's vs. The Mono's.

We're people! Being poly or mono is about how we have relationships!

(taking my tongue out of my cheek now)

In a way it does Ceoli-but so does primary, secondary etc. The thing is-words are just pictures that describe what we are talking about. For some people it's more than just how they have a relationship, it's more than even just a lifestyle, it's how they define themselves.
My "second" (another description that makes me ill) doesn't just live a mono relationship. He is in love with one person, not even one person at a time, just flat one person. Since he was 17 years old he's been in love with one person. His heart is wired for only one person ever.

Now for me that concept isn't just "foreign" it's so completely impossible it's like someone telling me that ET really landed and is waiting on my doorstep to come in! But for him the fact that I can and do love him and my husband and my ex girlfriend deeply and permantently.... that isn't just a foreign concept for him, it's impossible for him.

So sometimes those words help us understand instrinsic parts of a person that without being close to them we otherwise wouldn't comprehend at all and even with the words we only grasp peripherally.

Ceoli 10-03-2009 04:57 PM

(LR, I was being tongue in cheek with what I posted, meaning I wasn't being terribly serious about it. :) ) There are all sorts of conversations that have been had and to be had about the relationships that exist between our identities and our lifestyles and everything in between, I get that. I was just remarking about how funny it sounded in general, that's all.

LovingRadiance 10-03-2009 05:58 PM

Sorry Ceoli! I have issues getting nuances in text at times! But I wasn't offended. :)

I've really enjoyed the last week of reading your posts. Feel like I'm really learning a lot!

maca 10-04-2009 12:04 AM

I am totally new to this understanding of my life as it stands(meaning I really didnt have a definetion of how my relationship functions).My wife is a poly she loves many ppl at the same time some near to us some very distant.I have allways considered myself mono.Once I REALLY accepted my wife for who she is and has to be in order to be true to herself.I realised I was only scared and I worried about how I would look to outside ppl.

Seeing her grow and thrive seeing her become a joy to the world, I mean wow it blows my mind,Forces me to look at love in a whole new light.

So.. to give my opinon I think a poly can love a mono and visaversa but all involved need to understand and accept the others. If they can do that REALLY do that then anything is possible.

MonoVCPHG 10-04-2009 01:04 AM

I hope so :eek:

Sustainability is the bigger question...can a poly exist healthily in love with a mono and vice a versa for a long time....That is question! And yes, I intend to answer it!!

But that's the only question I am answering....I am mono afterall, one at a time for this cracker!! :)


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