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Ursilla 10-01-2009 11:34 PM

Hi everyone
I recently have entered a polyamorous relationship. My husband and I were best friends with another couple. Unfortunately Jill died a few months ago leaving our friendship devastated. My partner and I have experimented with light swinging in the past but found it to be empty and not very fulfilling. Jillís husband Fred has always been in love with me and those feelings were mutual. I have just never acted on my feelings because as a foursome we just did not want our friendship to change. My husband actually sent me to comfort Fred. This seems to have made the friendship between us three deeper and richer. I canít complain (I am very happy) but having two husbands takes some getting used to. I joined to get some insights into how and why polyamorous relationships work and what keeps them working smoothly.:o

NeonKaos 10-01-2009 11:47 PM

Sorry about the loss of your friend Jill. I hope the remaining three of you can honor her memory the way she would have wanted.

I don't know why, I don't even know you but this makes me cry.

Wait, I do know why it makes me cry but I don't have the energy to share that. The "I don't know" was because I don't know YOU except from your one message.

Ursilla 10-01-2009 11:59 PM

She was a wonderful person who put up a heroic battle against cancer. The three of us love her dearly and cherish her memory. Fred was so devastated by her loss after 25 years that he does not even want to open the home they shared to an outside relationship with someone who will change Jill's home. This seems to be working for us so far.

NeonKaos 10-02-2009 12:01 AM

What type of cancer was it if you don't mind sharing that?

Ursilla 10-02-2009 12:50 AM

Jill had colon cancer discovered in stage four. It spread to her lungs and collapsed one which let to her death.

NeonKaos 10-02-2009 01:15 AM


Originally Posted by Ursilla (Post 8099)
Jill had colon cancer discovered in stage four. It spread to her lungs and collapsed one which let to her death.

SHIT! I had a feeling. That is what my mother died of except instead of lungs, it spread to her liver. Same thing - colon cancer discovered in stage 4. She lived a bit over a year from the time they found it. 3 types of chemo, one round of radiation, NOTHING worked... It was 8 years ago Sept 25th she died. So a few months is NOTHING. And I'm not even in a "loverly" (as JRM says) relationship over that...

I REALLY don't want to rain on your parade (ha, what an expression to use for this) but your triad or vee or whatever you want to call it is very fragile and could just be a coping mechanism... but whatever it is I'm sure it is necessary and you will use it to return to a state of normalcy whatever that means to you.

I honestly wish you the best whatever that turns out to be... this is a very difficult time. Cancer sucks. Once again, please treat each other right and honor the memory of your friend Jill.

Ursilla 10-02-2009 12:43 PM

I am not worried
My friendship with Jill lasted 48 years. Our friendship as couples lasted 26 years. Jill and I often discussed expanding our foursome this way but she was afraid it might change our group dynamics in a detrimental way. What we have now seems to be working in a way that is enriching and healing for the three of us. Nothing will change our friendship and that is the base of our new relationship. Both my men seem happy. The new relationship is almost 6 months old. now. If it does not last that is okay too. I want both of my men to be happy. Life is constantly changing and evolving. Permanence is thing that is fleeting. One of us could die tomorrow. I think the quality of the time we have together is more important than how many years we last as a trio.

NeonKaos 10-02-2009 01:57 PM

At least you had your whole lives together. You and Jill must have been little kids together! If my math is working... unless you're like 70 years old or something. If you ARE in your 70's I don't mean it like it's a bad thing of course!

HappiestManAlive 10-02-2009 07:05 PM

That's a very touching story.

If everyone involved is supportive not only through the loss, but of each other as people, friends, and lovers - well, that's wat this is all about, and your lives will be richer for it.


LovingRadiance 10-02-2009 07:08 PM

I'm sorry for your loss, but your story is simultaneously very heartwarming. The depth of love to carry friendships so long, so far and so well is beautiful. I'm not old enough yet to brag of a friendship that lasted that long. My oldest friendship is currently 31 years and it's a beautiful thing.

I have no helpful advice for you at this time, but thank you for sharing your story. It's nice to hear of people who have such huge hearts, such deep wells of love to share from!

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