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-   -   Do anybody here LOVE jealousy? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=8868)

curiouslez 04-17-2011 01:31 AM

Do anybody here LOVE jealousy?
I love jealousy! Let me explain:
We all know that jealousy has nothing to do with him/her/them and everything to do with you. We are all going to deal with it no matter what; it's a normal human emotion that every single person has and there's no reason to pretend it doesn't exist. Now, the reason I love jealousy is because it's a quick and easy signal that says: Hey! Something is wrong and you need to figure out what it is and fix it. To me, jealousy will help me stay in tune with myself and help me grow as a person.

Does anybody else feel this way?

NeonKaos 04-17-2011 03:20 AM

Jealousy is fascinating because it totally defies logic and sneaks up on you out of nowhere sometimes.

TruckerPete 04-17-2011 12:21 PM

I think it's very interesting. I can't say I love jealousy, but I certainly love the end result after working through the cause!

Ariakas 04-17-2011 03:20 PM


Originally Posted by NeonKaos (Post 76681)
Jealousy is fascinating because it totally defies logic and sneaks up on you out of nowhere sometimes.

Best way to phrase it. I woud agree with this.

As to the ops thought on jealous being a signal you aren't being true to yourself. I am not sure i agree. For me it can come up when I am sick or under lots of stress. So while I am being true to myself my environment begin to creates a situation where it thrives.

I think, if most people, used jealousy to gauge their trueness, especially in poly, there would be a lot of single people. I am not sure how well that would work for most people.

curiouslez 04-18-2011 06:15 AM

I don't think my word choice was the best lol
I don't LOVE it but I like what it does. Yes, I agree with everyone here lol

Ready2Fly 04-18-2011 08:08 PM

I disagree. Feelings are irrational. It's perfectly possible to feel jealousy for no reason whatsoever, just because your brain chemistry is off that day. So the fact that I sometimes feel jealousy doesn't necessarily have to indicate that there's a problem that needs working on. Except to manage the jealousy itself.

Magdalena 04-18-2011 08:42 PM

I am just now facing this ugly monster in the beginings of a new girl coming into our life. I am really struggling with this and doing my best to work through it. How do you all do it?

NeonKaos 04-18-2011 09:59 PM


Originally Posted by Magdalena (Post 76999)
How do you all do it?

By being super-fabulous, of course. But I can't speak for everyone here, only myself.

Ariakas 04-18-2011 11:36 PM

How do you do it?

One case at a time.. one step at a time. And expect to fall back

Everytime I think I have it beat.. I lose. Thats the irony. There is no beating it, learn to live with it and respect it. There aren't really tricks. I find for me personally

write out what it is causing it
why it is your fear it completely

then write the positives of the relationship and what makes your relationship strong and unique.

I find that usually gets rid of any problems, sometimes it helps to talk directly to the person involved, but learning how to beat your own demons with a big stick is more helpful, I can qwell most fears that way. And, I honestly, rarely feel jealousy but it springs up from time to time.

LovingRadiance 04-19-2011 01:31 AM

I rarely feel jealousy. I get envious if someone else is getting what I need and I'm not.

But-when I'm feeling those negative thoughts-I talk it through with one of my most reliable friends. Reliable in that they never let me get away with my own shit-they hold me accountable to solving my own problems.
I then figure out what it is that I'm ACTUALLY upset about (am I needing something I don't have, am I scared..) and work to solve what is actually upsetting me.

If I feel jealous or insecure about another person-I try to spend time with that person.

I.E. if I'm jealous about my lovers new girlfriend, then I try to spend time with the new girlfriend.

I find that when I build my own relationships with people, I have a much harder time holding onto any type of animosity towards them.

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