Polyamory.com Forum

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Ath 04-15-2011 11:41 PM

I'm on this site because I'm trying to understand in what ways I'm doing poly right and in what ways I'm doing it wrong. That's not to say I think there is only one right and many wrong ways, but to say I can better understand what's wrong and right for me through dialogue or lurking. I'll probably do a lot more lurking until I feel comfortable.

I'm in my 30s, had been married, currently dating openly. I'm also into the mental domination aspects of bdsm, along with biting, slapping, squeezing.

My concern is that, right now, I think I'm more in the mode of simple promiscuity than polyamory, though in the past I did love several people at the same time. I just could not act on those feelings and earnest, eager thoughts for social reasons.

Hopefully, I'll figure out how to work well at this and have ethical and responsible relationships, and any help along the way will be appreciated.

AutumnalTone 04-16-2011 05:50 PM

Welcome aboard.

Learning to do relationships right is learning to do poly right. The very same things that are essential to strong, healthy mono relationships apply to poly relationships (though perhaps threefold or fourfold or twelvefold).

PenguinDreams 04-19-2011 02:31 PM

You look familiar.

Ath 04-22-2011 11:34 PM

Probably so, Penguin. Is it a problem?

PenguinDreams 04-23-2011 01:48 AM

I already answered you this at home but let me just take this opportunity to expand on that. I always think of these things long after the after the conversation is over and since talking has never really worked for us maybe text will be better.

When you ask me if I'm okay with something or if something is a problem I don't trust that you really care what my answer is. I believe you just want to hear me say whatever you're going to do anyway regardless of what I might think or feel about something. In the past when I've expressed discomfort, disagreement or flat out said no, it hasn't changed your behavior one bit. So am I okay with you with you posting here because it might hurt? My answer is not really that I don't care, it's that I think you don't care how I answer that question. So why should I state a position one way or the other?

What I don't understand is why you're only just now coming here when a lot of things might have been done differently or been avoided altogether if this had been done sooner. The only conclusion I can draw from that is that I wasn't worth the effort but she is. However, I also don't really believe you can do slow and deliberate and your words are just that - words, but no action. I've seen this before.

So post here if you must, it's my choice to read it or not, although I suspect that in a couple months none of this will matter much to me anyway.

Ath 04-23-2011 12:09 PM

So, it's evident this is uncomfortable for you. I'll leave.

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