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-   -   very new (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=8813)

saudades 04-15-2011 05:19 PM

very new
hello everyone!

i'm so happy to have stumbled upon this resourceful and beautiful community. i have been lurking here for a few days and have found it so beneficial. i'm happy a thing like this exists.

before i ask my question, i'd like to give some background information. my boyfriend and i have been together for 3 and a half years (monogamous thus far). neither of us have participated in a relationship that wasn't mono. we have been open about our feelings about others/our sexuality always. both of us feel that this would be a really awesome thing for us. so far, we both have been on the same level when it comes to our needs and boundaries. overall, i would say we have a very honest, stable relationship, and i think that's what makes this more exciting than scary.

we have been talking about this in a serious way for about two weeks. we have been reading books together and talking about things that we want/need and things that wouldn't be okay (at least at first).

i know every relationship/individual is different - my intention is not to base my bf and i's pace on your answers (i feel we still have some ways to go!). i'm just curious - if you were in a mono relationship before it became a poly one, how long did it take before "taking the plunge"?

it's great to be here! hope all is well. :)

TruckerPete 04-15-2011 06:57 PM

Hubs wanted a mono relationship when we started dating with the understanding that it would eventually become non-monogamous in some form. He had trust issues from previous relationships with regards to cheating and whatnot. So, after being mono for about a year and a half, he was ready to let me go explore.

Quath 04-18-2011 06:02 AM

My criteria is to wait until I feel my primary relationship is stable before bringing someone else in. No need to have a new partner deal a primary relationship that is not working.

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