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-   -   Old rules - giggle with me! (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=8687)

TruckerPete 04-12-2011 05:39 PM

Old rules - giggle with me!
 
I was talking with Indigo the other week, and realized we had an old rule/guideline/boundary that hadn't officially been dismissed, but was kind of laughable at this point.

So, I'd like to hear about any rules you've had that now, seem a bit funny! Here's mine:

When we were "transitioning" from open to poly, we realized that we didn't want to be sexing up new people all the time, so a FWB arrangement was probably ideal. Then, we anticipated that we might develop feelings for these friends, and that was okay, but there was a "check" we needed to keep in mind. We called it the Burning Building* test. Basically, we were allowed to care about our OSO, but if the house was on fire and both OSO and SO were in it, and we could only rescue one of them, we'd better still be rescuing each other.

I'm not sure what the repercussions were for crossing this boundary, but there you have it! :p We recognized that we might feel emotion and that was okay, but failed to see that we couldn't control that emotion!

I asked Indigo ... "Um, we don't still have the burning building rule, do we?? It seems a little terrible to think of!" He looked at me, laughed and told me I'd better start lifting weights so I could carry him AND Mr. A.

He still maintains that he'll choose the TV in a burning building. :D


*If you have this guideline, I am in no way making fun of you. It's laughable given our situation.

Indigomontoya 04-12-2011 06:22 PM

In fairness it is a really nice TV and I said the xbox too plus I am certain the animals would escape on their own.

MrFarFromRight 04-13-2011 05:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TruckerPete (Post 75922)
I asked Indigo ... "Um, we don't still have the burning building rule, do we?? It seems a little terrible to think of!" He looked at me, laughed and told me I'd better start lifting weights so I could carry him AND Mr. A.

He still maintains that he'll choose the TV in a burning building.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Indigomontoya (Post 75925)
In fairness it is a really nice TV and I said the xbox too plus I am certain the animals would escape on their own.

So, Indigo, let me get this right. Is TP supposed to be training to carry Mr. A, you, the "really nice TV", AND the xbox?
TP: You better start worrying what Mr. A chooses to add!

BlackUnicorn 04-13-2011 09:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TruckerPete (Post 75922)
We called it the Burning Building* test. Basically, we were allowed to care about our OSO, but if the house was on fire and both OSO and SO were in it, and we could only rescue one of them, we'd better still be rescuing each other.

Made my day! So morbid and funny at the same time.

Fayerweather 04-14-2011 12:35 PM

I too am familiar with the concepts of rules and boundaries that no longer apply. I've gone from being uncomfortable with my bf touching his other gf in front of me to comfortably watching them kiss and snuggle. I've gone from being triggered while hearing about their sex life to curious and kind of turned on.

Basically, when my bf and I started out in this open relationship, I was very scared of being replaced. We kind of had an understanding that we were one another's primary partner. Now that he has another long term partner outside of our relationship and so do I, the concept of Primary/secondary has completely dissolved.

NeonKaos 04-14-2011 12:56 PM

We only have 2 rules - don't give each other diseases and don't make each other miserable. Those two things aren't about to change in the foreseeable future.

River 04-14-2011 03:46 PM

This reply is to a theme in some of the posts, what could be called "value hierarchy" in relationships, i.e., primary, secondary, burning buildings....

I cannot do that. I will not do that. It simply doesn't work for me. And I don't need to be #1, and will not be a #2 in ranking value.

SourGirl 04-15-2011 03:26 AM

Well, we do primary/secondary, and are quite happy for it. If someone besides my husband ever tried to make me a co-primary, or their uber-babe or whatever, I couldn`t deal with that. But,..easy for us,..as we have no intentions of ever living together all poly-cubed.

I`ve actually been in that position with a ex. He thought of his wife of 20 years, live-in gf of 10 years, and me, all on the same level. That didn`t sit well with me at all. I couldnt offer anything more then being a tertiary type.



So,..the few boundaries we have, really aren`t boundaries, just natural ways of being. If Mr.Sour felt differently, I`d be a-ok with that.
I doubt I`ll change, as those thoughts weren`t made out of fear,..just logic.
****************
^^ Just chipped that in, for a different perspective. Not everyone does primary/secondary out of 'fear' of losing their partner. Just like not everyone wants it all 'equal' due to insecurities. ;)
****************

On to the actual topic : If I think wayyyyyy back though,..back to our first few ventures into a Open Relationship, we had some silly worries.

- If I left the room, he`d stop snuggling with the woman he was with. LOL I`d do the same. We had no 'rule' but somehow, at 26 yrs old, we felt we were being 'loyal' that way.

Hmmm,...what else,...

Oh. I didn`t kiss men. People would always say, "Ohh you have a no kissing rule ? Far to intimate ?'
I`d answer,.." No. I think most men are bad kissers. ' :eek:
Glad I kept experimenting,..hehehehe.

redpepper 04-15-2011 03:50 AM

"Make sure that you remember you committed to me when you said those vows. That means you are responsible as much as I am for making sure money comes in, kid gets fed, we all are living healthy, content lives... to do that means that we have to be okay with each other."

Not so funny really and still valid, but just thought I would mention it. That is a hierarchy really, but not primary/secondary in terms of love for all my partners.

BlackUnicorn 04-15-2011 10:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SourGirl (Post 76371)
Oh. I didn`t kiss men. People would always say, "Ohh you have a no kissing rule ? Far to intimate ?'
I`d answer,.." No. I think most men are bad kissers. ' :eek:
Glad I kept experimenting,..hehehehe.

I know! It's so depressing. I really don't kiss men a lot either. I don't know if that's just quitting in terms that they will never improve, but hey, it's my mouth and I decide who gets to slobber spit all over it.


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