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-   -   New and Confused! (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=8632)

gingerbell 04-11-2011 07:36 PM

New and Confused!
I have known a guy originally about 5 years, we had a brief, casual relationship in 2006, and he found me on FB just last year. I have been going to his place when he wants to see me and having sex. I've fallen in love for him, he's expressed I'm the gal for him, (he's been married and admits he isnt able to be fully sexually monogamous) we've discussed a future, our kids, and the possibility of living together. We don't do anything together but, get together for sex, he did take me to one of his motorcycle club's BBQ's, and thats about it. We never hang out. I've waited for him to come around, thinking if he knows i love and accept him, we can have a future. He has expressed how he wants me to be with a woman and him together. I'm open to trying being with him and another woman, which started out as he and I would just have fun with a third woman. Now he wants to have a poly relationship with a new girl, he as said he is very seriously intimate with, which makes sense, because he hasn't been calling me up much at all. He says he wants me and her to be an "US" and we only have sex with all three together. I understand the poly lifestyle and agree with it's way of living, but I have a very hard, hard, time with him and her. he set up a night for all of us to meet about a month ago. Dinner, drinks, and friends. I arrived, the other girl was cooking, they had drinks, smoking some weed, and there i was, not prepared to see him touching and having affection for her, since i've been waiting to see him for a while. at the same time, my child was calling me asking me to come home, because he was sick, i knew he felt bad before I left but didn't think he was that bad. I knew if I didn't show up at his house, he'd be upset and think i chickend out, so I went. i felt really, really, out of place, because I don't feel our relationship has been fully established and I don't know where I really stand. so my son kept calling and I got up and said "i can't do this, i need to go" I left, part because of not being able to handle the other woman, and partly for my sick child, bugging me. I have been excluded from him ever since that night and it has turned out to be I'm the one that chose to leave and turn against "them" so that adds to my confusion. so now we talk off and on and mostly about me being with another woman, and how he loves me and her both the same and it is all equal, now that he is being honest about the other women. I don't know if this is something I should continue or not.:rolleyes::(

NeonKaos 04-11-2011 07:42 PM

The word "doormat" comes to mind.

Welcome to the forum anyway!

WaywardDruid 04-11-2011 07:52 PM


Originally Posted by gingerbell (Post 75734)
I don't know if this is something I should continue or not.:rolleyes::(


Sorry but it doesn't sound much like a Poly situation. You are being pushed into things (sexual) and places where you obviously have questions/doubts about.

Don't know if you'll be able to salvage a relationship that seems so one sided.

Just my 2cents worth

Penny 04-12-2011 02:44 AM


And you should have gone home sooner because a sick kid is more important than some jackass who's using you to get his jollies.

gingerbell 04-12-2011 08:27 PM

i haven't heard from him since sunday and i'm thinking if i don't contact him anymore then i'll see if he contacts me.....it hurts to know i will suffer his loss tho....i have developed strong feelings and emotions for him, because i have continued to have sex with him and listen to him tell me how i'm the one for him, could we be long term or not, what about our kids....alot of serious stuff that has kept me connected to him...i don't know how to handle a relationship where, possibly someday, i would live with him her and our kids, its all such a change in direction for me, who has always dated men and one at time...if i was completely disgusted at the idea of poly and sex with a woman, wouldn't I know that? I really thank the people that replied, and if this isn't the right blog to be on, any more info is great.

gingerbell 04-12-2011 08:32 PM

:confused:he did say he is new to this way of life, as well, and if there is anyone that has advice on how to go about introducing new partners, expectations, who should have a stronger bond, how should this work? He wants me and the other girl to be his partners. I'm thinking he probably treats the other girl like me, i don't think he's wining and dining her...but something inside me wants to do this at least give it a try.....:confused::rolleyes:

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