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-   -   Mono Poly Thing - Unworkable Situation? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=8609)

abstractnotinos 04-10-2011 11:37 PM

Mono Poly Thing - Unworkable Situation?
My situation is that my wife decided she was poly but she has a much lower sex drive (and energy in general) than I do, so now that she's got another partner, I basically get less of everything and it wasn't like I was getting a whole lot of attention before. I think its been around three months since we had sex last and she has sex with him twice a week. Problem is, we have kids, so I'm resistant to just walking out the door - but fantasize about it on a daily basis.

I don't understand how its salvageable, however this would be the place to ask. I feel like I have a free loading room mate that I pay all the bills for at this point. I basically quit asking her to do anything - she only ever offers to watch TV with me on the couch - never wants to go out, never wants to anything, all her energy is spent. I feel almost constantly rejected and I used to try to talk about it but I've started to become really frustrated about it so I can't talk about it in a supportive way anymore so I don't talk at all. She seems perfectly content an unaware that anything is wrong.

MonoVCPHG 04-11-2011 01:04 AM

Have your wife read things on this forum. She needs to learn how to make poly work if she is in truth poly that is. Have you met her boyfriend?

In all honesty, you sound like a poorly compensated babysitter and not someone's husband.

Sorry, man. I wouldn't stand for what you are going through.

polyexplorer 04-11-2011 09:15 AM

Wow that sounds frustrating and painful to me...

It would pain me greatly if my wife had a relationship with someone else and was pouring alot of energy into that without pouring alot of energy into our relationship as well. Is she happy in your relationship?

If there isn't some honest communication soon my fear is that there is only one outcome...

All the best!

BlackUnicorn 04-11-2011 11:13 AM

Hi and welcome, although I bet you wish you wouldn't have to seek advice for this particular situation :(.

Your wife seems like a text-book case of an NRE monster. Now I think would be the time for some serious re-connecting between the two of you, maybe including putting the new man on the back-burner for a while.

Sadly, sex doesn't feel worth it if it's only something your partner does out of a sense of duty to avoid you leaving them. You didn't mention if you are mono heart and soul, or just out of circumstance.

From a very practical POW, would it pay to have the kids in daycare for a while? Is your wife a full-time homemaker or what's eating up her energy? The new relationship? How old are your kids and what do they think of all this? If she's the mother of a newborn this might be more deeply hormone- than poly-related.

abstractnotinos 04-11-2011 02:32 PM

Thanks, all
I've been reading up on some of other posts and resources here and I'm realizing now how my situation isn't really poly at all its just wrong. I have a business trip coming up - I could extend it to two weeks - that would give me some time away from the situation to figure this out and clear my head.

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