Greetings From Vancouver
I'll try to keep this relatively brief which may or may not actually be a success. I have been with my current boyfriend for around a year. I recently came to the realization that I am asexual. In the beginning of a relationship I'll be open to sex and even enjoy it somewhat, but the longer things go on the less I feel inclined to participate in sexual activities. Simply put, I do not experience sexual attraction and I just don't get much out of sex. I'm happier not having sex and sex itself causes me a lot of stress because I feel obligated to pretend to enjoy it when, in truth, I do not.
My asexuality has been a relatively recent discovery but once discovered, all the pieces of my past history pretty much just fell into place. I experience aesthetic attraction and consider myself to be panromantic asexual. Anyway, around the time of making this discovery I broke up with my boyfriend and we remained separated for a couple of months while I worked through this discovery, among other things. Between discovering my asexuality and gender neutrality, suffice to say its been a rather confusing time for me, although also a rather interesting time.
Throughout this period, I have lived with my boyfriend and we had a rather open dialogue regarding what I've been going through and what was to happen between the two of us. I don't feel that its fair to deny him sex, knowing how important sex is to most sexuals. After much discussion and deliberation I realized two things. First, I'm not sure that I'm really interested in a traditional monogamous relationship any longer. I certainly do have a desire for a romantic relationship, but I'm not sure I ever had a true desire for a traditional monogamous one outside of that being the expectation of society. Second was that I wanted to find out what it might be like to be with another woman.
I have always felt similar attraction to both males and females, although it was aesthetic rather than sexual in nature. However, a friend of mine has recently gone through a revelation in which she discovered she was a lesbian and it got me to thinking about the fact that I never have really been with another woman. I don't know if I'd enjoy it sexually, but I feel like I want to find out, at least once. Even if I don't I find that I have a desire to try a more non-traditional relationship and bringing a third party into our current relationship seems like something we both desire to do. I'm not entirely sure how it will work and I'm not entirely sure how to go about it, but I thought that coming here and doing some research would be a good place to start.
Well, looks like I failed at keeping this short. Oh well. I hope it wasn't too rambling and confusing.
Yay...more people from the west coast! Welcome to the forum.
I've had similar thoughts as of lately,
I just joined this site and was looking up Vancouver to see if there was anyone else from my city on here.
Your posting appealed to me as I've gone through very similar circumstances and thoughts as of lately.
I've found myself to be not interested in sex anymore whatsoever, which is a big change for me. I don't know what the cause of it is, only that I feel no need for it anymore and it's more of a hassle than something pleasurable. When you said that it causes you stress because you feel obligated to pretend you enjoy it when you don't, I knew exactly what you meant. I don't want to have to feel the obligation to pretend I'm excited to have intercourse or that I enjoy it, but in having a romantic relationship it also doesn't seem fair to me to deny the other person sex.
All of this can put a significant strain on a relationship.
As for my sexual orientation, that's always been something I've been uncertain of. I tended to think of myself as pansexual because I'm attracted to both men and women, but based primarily on their personalities rather than their bodies. I usually find women to be more physically attractive than men, and are usually only attracted to very feminine men, though I'm also usually attracted to feminine male personalities more than womens personalities. A bit complicated. :S
Though I have had next to no sexual experience with women. I usually dated men because of this fact and because cunnilingus honestly never did anything for me. I do want to explore my sexuality further to see exactly what I am- straight, gay, bi, pansexual, etc. I suppose I've been confused about this since I first realized I was attracted to women when I was 12.
I would love to be able to sort out my confusion once and for all.
I definitely have a desire for a romantic relationship, but I don't know if I have a desire for a sexual one or not. I don't participate in casual sex, as it doesn't appeal to me. I suppose the only way of finding out is by having a romantic relationship and seeing if my current thoughts on sex change.
Upon reading your post I felt the desire to contact you, as it would be fantastic for us both to have someone to talk to about this sort of circumstance, especially who are going through slightly similar things. You seem very open minded, and I am as well.
I am actually an Adult Model, which makes finding a romantic relationship rather difficult. And with my other problems and confusions it makes it even more difficult.
Which is another reason that I have joined this website, as a polyamorous relationship would probably be best suited for me.
I'm fairly new to this city, and would love to meet new people. I admit, not knowing many people here can be fairly lonely.
I will be 21 as of November, and would be very interested in hearing back from you (:
I hope you are well, and thanks for reading :D
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