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-   -   Is there really any such thing as being mono in a poly relationship? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=853)

sea 09-26-2009 08:40 AM

Is there really any such thing as being mono in a poly relationship?
 
I am fairly new here but have been reading more posts than I can count. One question keeps arising for me. Delving into all the different deffinitions of poly relationships the one that intrigues me the most is when someone says "I am mono"!
I thought this descibed fairly accurately one being in a one on one relationship! Sweetie and I are both in a "mono" relationship with TommyC, but I love her just as much as I love Tommy. Is love not the basis of any relationship, and if so, how can I possibly love the other two in our V equally and still say 'mono'?

Fidelia 09-26-2009 02:16 PM

Hi, Sea. Welcome to the forums.

In a situation where two people relate monogamously to a third individual, that's a V with person at the center point of the V being polyamorous, the other two remaining monogamous.

If you love Sweetie just as much you love Tommy, your situation may be more of a triad. Whether sex is involved or not, IMO. Like an equilateraltriangle, each person in a triad relates in a loverly way to the other two, and no one is mono.

Of course, these kinds of labels and diagrams and such are just tools to help us understand and communicate about ourselves and our relationships, and as such, one size does not fit all and your mileage may vary. But I hope this helps you.

Catfish 09-26-2009 02:21 PM

Like the Bat signal, a massive M lights up the clouds over Gotham City and MonoVCPHG mounts his uni-cylcle to come to the rescue.

River 09-26-2009 02:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by damncatfish (Post 7726)
Like the Bat signal, a massive M lights up the clouds over Gotham City and MonoVCPHG mounts his uni-cylcle to come to the rescue.

>staring wide-eyed at screen with a massive paper cup full of pop corn in lap and a small handful of the buttery stuff hovering still as stone at mouth.<

berserker239 09-26-2009 08:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by damncatfish (Post 7726)
Like the Bat signal, a massive M lights up the clouds over Gotham City and MonoVCPHG mounts his uni-cylcle to come to the rescue.

Move aside batman theres a new hero in town, and that hero's name is! Monoman! Monoman! dananannananananananananana Monomaaaaaa! and his sidekick, Woodpecker!

Catfish 09-28-2009 02:18 PM

Apparently the commissioner hasn't replaced the bulb in the Mono Light.

MonoVCPHG 09-29-2009 05:26 AM

Monoman HAHA!! Thanks for that Berserker :)

Yes you definitely can be mono in a poy relationship. I certainly am and it is almost a joke at the poly meetings I go to because I am so upfront about it..I say it every time during the introductions.

What I can't deny is that I am truly in a poly relationship.
It's really not that big of a stretch and is so natural to me that I am completely oblivious to the fact that my Life Love has a husband LOL!!

I am monogamous but I am not a monogamist. I don't practice the socially defined concept of monogamy. I am wired to love monogamously however.

Don't even think about though..just do what nature intended you to do..love and have fun :)

Serendipity 09-29-2009 06:19 AM

It does indeed exist. I'm in a relationship with my long term boyfriend who is monogamous (meaning he is happy to be romantically involved with only me), and he believes he'll feel this way for the foreseeable future.

However, he does not impose that kind of model upon me. He accepts that that is the way he experiences love, but that its not necessarily how I experience love. Which is exactly the case. I'm in a loving relationship with both him, and another man at the moment.

If he decides he doesn't want to be monogamous anymore, then I would support that decision and be there for him in that case as well, but for now, indeed monogamy does exist in my poly relationship.

berserker239 09-30-2009 12:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG (Post 7878)
Monoman HAHA!! Thanks for that Berserker :)

Yes you definitely can be mono in a poy relationship. I certainly am and it is almost a joke at the poly meetings I go to because I am so upfront about it..I say it every time during the introductions.

What I can't deny is that I am truly in a poly relationship.
It's really not that big of a stretch and is so natural to me that I am completely oblivious to the fact that my Life Love has a husband LOL!!

I am monogamous but I am not a monogamist. I don't practice the socially defined concept of monogamy. I am wired to love monogamously however.

Don't even think about though..just do what nature intended you to do..love and have fun :)

Anytime Monoman, beautiful words btw. I almost shed two tears.


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