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-   -   NEVER thought this would happen in a Million Years!! (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=847)

Tahirabs 09-25-2009 02:22 PM

NEVER thought this would happen in a Million Years!!
New developmet... I can't eblieve how happy I am. I told you all about our "friend" me and my husband meet from Finland well we have gotten so much closser. We now are calling each other "girlfriend" at least between the three of us. We have and multiple sexual experiances, but always together as the three of us. After sleeping with my husband all night she and I lay in bed together every morning before I go to work, talk, kiss, maybe make out. It is wonderfull. My husband is so great. He constintly tells me he just doesn't want to feel like a 3rd wheel, wants to be includded, and that he loves K too. He has even told her that a few times, though not as much as I have ;). The three of us have always been totaly open and honest. I have talked with K about her feeling "left out" or "used" and she says she never does. The bad thing is she goes back home in Dec. I will miss her so much. Right now K has twisted her ancle and is at home with ice resting. I hope she feels better soon, I love taking care of her, but I don't like to see her in pain. Well I hope this explains things to everyone better. I am sorry for my confusing first post... I have never had an experiance like this before. I LOVE IT!!!

HappiestManAlive 09-25-2009 05:34 PM

A relationship is a relationship, sex is something that the people in the relationship decide on how to handle. If you all feel you are in a relationship and that the title applies, then it does.

I have told everyone about my situation with Violet and Anne, but haven't mentioned Lana. Our situation with her is very much like you mention with Katja - we took her in from a bad situation, and things progressed - to a point. Lana is straight and Violet is madly in love with her which makes for a lot of sitcom humor in the house; Lana and I were supposed to hook up but it never happened, we became fast freinds though. Lana is very protective of Violet and my relationship, and Anne had to pass the Lana test (she passed with flying colors) before we were allowed to date her seriously, lol. We call her "our girlfreind without benifits", LOL.

Fidelia 09-25-2009 09:17 PM

Of course, it's polyamory, silly girl. ;)

Poly= "many" amor= "love(s)"

Good for you. All three of you. Go and be happy. :)

aussielover 09-26-2009 11:19 AM

As others have said, there are many types of poly relationships. Congrats to you for finding love.

I do not judge, nor do I want you to think I'm attacking, but I do however have some concerns about a few things you've said. Perhaps its my position of coming from a thirds point of view. Concerns about Katja in this relationship.

From the way you worded things, it made it seem like it was ok for her to turn you on, by the kissing and cuddling and touching, but it ended there, and you went back and almost had sex with your husband.


Originally Posted by Tahirabs (Post 7672)
This morning was the best morning of my life!! I woke up and went into Katja's bedroom and laid with her for awhile just talking and kissing (dressed...mostly, in bra) and then I went back in to my husband and my room and almost had sex (would have if I hadn't been late for work).

This bothers me a little, ok, a lot, and please correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds to me like she's being used as a tool. The two of you will get each other 'worked up' and then you have the option of going to your husband. What does she have. Nothing. She's left to her own devices which hardly seems fair to me.

You also said...


Originally Posted by Tahirabs (Post 7672)
really I don't want sex from her, I mean I love kissing her and touching her (with close on) but sex... it is even kind of (slightly) a turn off (with her) for so many reasons.

I'm a bit confused how it is a turn off when you are kissing and touching then nearly have sex with hubby. Clearly that DOES turn you on, but you're not willing or not able to be that intamate with her. Which is clearly your decision, but just seems odd to me.
I would really like to hear her view on this relationship. I would imagine it's extreemly frustrating to be taken to that point only to have you walk out and be with your husband.
I'm sure it has a lot to do with my being a third, but I know there's no way I could stay in a relationship like that for my own mental health. The turning on and then quickly turning off and knowing you've gone to be with him would kill me.

Don't get me wrong, if this makes ALL of you happy the way it is, then I'm happy for you, but I just can't see that her needs are being met by this situation.

Tahirabs 09-26-2009 04:06 PM

same I can not believe something like this has happened to me... but man am I glad!!! (I am so blessed that God brought Katja to me, to us both) :) Love you girl! :)

Quath 09-27-2009 01:23 AM

I think a healthy way to approach this is to look at the rules as "for now." Rules tend to change as people's confort level changesor new situations arise. So keep in good communication and let people talk freely about how they feel. Also, it sounds like a lot of these feelings are new and intense. I see a lot of NRE with any issues/fun that brings.

aussielover 09-28-2009 08:29 AM

God, yeah that honestly doesn't sound any better. I'm just gonna zip it on this one. I hope the three of you are happy and it works out for you.

aussielover 09-28-2009 10:47 PM

All I wanted to do was have you look at things from her point of view and make sure that this is fair and right for her as well. Just seems like she would be left hanging often while you had other options.

BUT as I said, if it works for ALL Three of you, then I wish you happiness.

Tahirabs 09-29-2009 04:59 PM

Things have changed a lot
I do not mean to be using K at all. Things have changed ALOT in our house... I will write about it all latter when I have time and when my head is clear, but for now I wanted to say that I have talked to K about how she feels and she says she does not feel that way. All three of us have had LONG conversations about everything that has gone on. I have said multiple times to both of them as long as we have love, openness, and honesty then it will all be ok. It is when we don't have one of those three things that we will have problems. Well we all are going to take a road trip together this weekend so maybe it will help bring us together. We are traveling around Kansas camp Sat. night and then I have to teach a class in another city over so while I teach my husband and K will have time to be together. This should be fun! Hope it brings us closer.

Hope this helps explain things, I know it all sounds odd it sounds that way to me too I will write more when my head is clear.

greenearthal 09-29-2009 05:15 PM

Happy for you. Sounds like all three of you feel like you are benefitting from this journey.

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