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-   -   Complete Mono to Complete Poly (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=844)

greenearthal 09-25-2009 04:56 AM

Complete Mono to Complete Poly
Still pretty new here and there are all kinds of personalities swimming about, not especially clear on who's who still and keeping track of people's stories and such. I can recall a few handles that have described themselves as always having been poly since their first romantic stirrings or a very young age. See lots of new stories of people uncertain about whether or not they might be poly or trying to transition to poly or even a few decidedly not polys.

Are there other folks on here who --like I have-- have gone from being completely monogamous well into adulthood and then completely changed their mind? I was very happily monogamous into my early thirties, wandering about in serial monogamy, searching for "the one", and very self-satistied and secure in having what I considered to be the perfect skill sets for hetero-monogamy: the ability to fix all of my romantic energies on one woman to the exclusion of all others, a completely unblemished record of fidelity, intergenerational models of "successful" happy coupling to pattern myself after and strive for, etc.

And then presently it pains me to even imagine being in a monogamous relationship. My polyamorous relationships keep blowing up in my face, but I feel like... hrmmm... how to describe, how to describe... I feel like Gonzo the Great in the Muppet Movie after he gets to fly for the first time. Like when he's singing that "Going to get back there someday" song. That's me. Like I can't imagine life without at least trying to fly.

MonoVCPHG 09-25-2009 07:34 AM

Oddly enough, I went from monogamous to thinking I could be a male "unethical" slut, and back again!!

Since becoming involved in my poly relationship, I have become more monogamous than ever...everything I learn about myself supports my ability to be fullfilled by one person and also that my nature is to love this way. My new awarenesses are very strengthening and yet risk isolating me more from some things. I need less people around me because I feel so complete within myself.

HappiestManAlive 09-28-2009 02:24 AM

I look at my "serial monogamy" days as an indicator of my poly-ness; I thought I was looking for "the one", and couldn't figure out why every time I did, it ended badly. Now I have "the ones", and it's so clear to me now why everything fell apart before. Your Gonzo analogy - while succinct and excellent - also falls way short of the feeling. Not becuase you made a bad analogy, but because ANY analogy is going to be that way; there simply aren't words. Listening to a good recording of Beethoven's 9th at ridiculous volumes over a nice sound system is the closest I've come so far, lol. Music gets closer to it than words. :-)

vandalin 09-28-2009 03:28 AM

I feel I am relatively happy in my mono relationship with my husband but I am open if a poly opportunity comes my way although I don't feel the "need" to have one unless it's the "right" one.

I guess that's my mono upbringing. Not only do I have "the one" but the "other one" too. heh Would that be "the two" or "the three"?

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