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-   -   bi-poly married couple hello all (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=8435)

gema9809 04-04-2011 07:27 AM

bi-poly married couple hello all
 
Well hello all you wonderful people, we are a happily married couple and i am a bimale and my wife is an openminded female. we have been in a fairly standard monagimous relationship married for 8 yrs now in the past year we started exploring our sexuality with other men solo exp with other men and women and then mmf 3somes. At first we thought we wanted to be swingers, but after an all nighter and subsequent visits from this awesome guy we realized something we both desired an intimate relationship with him(not gonna happen hes married to another girl and the army career soldier ).
Well we were confused and still are, we do not desire seperate relationships we love each other very much and even when its consentual stepping outside of the relationship always ends up with jealousy and arguments, but we fell for someone together who made us both feel so special that we would happily bring that person into our lives and there was no jealousy ...maybe a little but it is overwhelmed by the mutual desire to intimate with that person together so what are we?. well this sites intresting and our dream would be to add another male to our relationship who we are both mutually attracted to and then eventually another woman as well and keep that as our primary, i dont know lol just cool to know were not alone we thought this kind of stuff didnt exist lol

ImaginaryIllusion 04-07-2011 03:58 PM

Welcome to the Forum.

Sassyfire 06-12-2011 05:23 PM

Hello to you.
 
:)
Quote:

Originally Posted by gema9809 (Post 74583)
Well hello all you wonderful people, we are a happily married couple and i am a bimale and my wife is an openminded female. we have been in a fairly standard monagimous relationship married for 8 yrs now in the past year we started exploring our sexuality with other men solo exp with other men and women and then mmf 3somes. At first we thought we wanted to be swingers, but after an all nighter and subsequent visits from this awesome guy we realized something we both desired an intimate relationship with him(not gonna happen hes married to another girl and the army career soldier ).
Well we were confused and still are, we do not desire seperate relationships we love each other very much and even when its consentual stepping outside of the relationship always ends up with jealousy and arguments, but we fell for someone together who made us both feel so special that we would happily bring that person into our lives and there was no jealousy ...maybe a little but it is overwhelmed by the mutual desire to intimate with that person together so what are we?. well this sites intresting and our dream would be to add another male to our relationship who we are both mutually attracted to and then eventually another woman as well and keep that as our primary, i dont know lol just cool to know were not alone we thought this kind of stuff didnt exist lol



Hello to you too. We are in a very similar situation.. We have been married 26 years and We are each others soul mates. We have tried mmf but we find that playing one on one works better. I truley belive that there are more of us out there than we know. The most imoportant this is COMMUNICATION. He knows when I am with someone and I know when he is with someone.=PHP] We started to be with others a year ago. I sometimes think "What is wrong with me to be so openminded about this" but the reality is that Our relationship has become more solid than ever.I would love to hear of other married couples who are like us
.

hollallen 09-06-2014 07:12 PM

I too would like to talk to more married couples. I am a bi male and have been friends with lots of couples in my life, not that intimately though, and understand what you are going through especially since I a bi and have feelings both ways. Can be difficult and of course it all has to work. I would like to hear from other couples on how they feel about adding a third. It is great that yours has lasted and is you have a solid relationship for all these years.

JaneQSmythe 09-06-2014 07:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gema9809 (Post 74583)
... even when its consentual stepping outside of the relationship always ends up with jealousy and arguments

...not necessarily true for everyone, but everyone's experience is different.

I'm married. I also have a boyfriend (who lives with us and is my husband's best friend). The three of us share a girlfriend (who is married and lives with her husband). Life is grand.

kdt26417 09-06-2014 10:38 PM

I am "the third" added to an M/F married couple, but since we're all hetero it's just a V. We're not really looking for any additional partners although we keep an open mind about it.

hollallen 09-07-2014 01:16 AM

to everyone currently in a 3 way or for that matter a 4 way, How is it when let's say the official married couple have events that are only involve the original couple if you know what I mean. Where the event you may be attending are expecting only a man and a woman and not an MMF or MFF? If children are in the relationship, doesn't the third one in the group get left out of event with the children or feel neglected in any way? I imagine it takes a lot of communication.

kdt26417 09-07-2014 01:55 AM

I think fairness is important.

Re: M/F and couples events ... sometimes the "M" would be me, sometimes the "M" would be the legal/lawful husband. The lady in our family tries to maintain as much fairness as she can, which is good enough for me.

As for kids, we don't have any. But the opening statement still applies. Fairness is important. You try to make it up to the partner who babysat for you, if and however possible.

Probably the most important thing is for all three/four adults to sit down and figure out a way to work things out so that everyone feels okay about it.

hollallen 09-07-2014 02:41 AM

That's the key is communication. The unfortunate thing though is that communication is not something we all excel at but truly need. Thanks for explaining that..it makes plenty of sense. I know when it comes to things like family reunions or school events, it is easy to get left out. I think a big thing that goes with the communication is EMPATHY. I upper cased that on purpose. Without empathy towards each other ALL members, communication works best if we can empathize with each other.

kdt26417 09-07-2014 03:11 AM

Empathy is definitely a key component in productive communication.

And people have varying levels of communication skill. For some it comes naturally; for others it's very awkward. Sometimes it's best just to sympathize with the latter group, and do the best you all can.

Another key component in productive communication is refined listening skills. I actually consider that part more important than one's ability to express oneself -- though that notion is the opposite of what we normally think of when we hear the word "communication."


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