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-   -   Just Friends...? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=8425)

Malach 04-04-2011 02:39 AM

Just Friends...?
 
Long time lurker, rare poster...

I'm in need of a sounding board, and maybe a bit of advice, or maybe I just want to whine a little bit. :) Loooong story short, I dated an amazing woman for a brief time last year, after a run-up of several months getting to know her via various internet means. Her primary boyfriend (considering that she lived with him, that's how I always viewed him) became uncomfortable with her outside dating, and that part of our relationship ended. Being married myself, I didn't feel right 'fighting' to maintain the relationship. I made the call that preserving the friendship we had was more important to me.

We're still great friends, we still get together socially, I get along fine with her boyfriend and harbor him absolutely no ill will whatsoever. Buuuuut....I'm still really attracted to her. That never stopped. I miss kissing her. I find myself thinking about her way too often, what could have been, what I wish had happened, ect. ect.

I didn't date a lot of women before I met my wife, and D. is the first woman I dated other than my wife in almost a decade. I know I became too attached to her in too short of a time, probably because of this. I'm having a hard time getting past it. Our friendship is important to me, and I treasure it, I just wish I could stop daydreaming about 'more'.

Am I doomed? :) Do I just need to take it like a man and get over it? I suspect this is actually a rather common problem among people who've actually dated more than I have, and I'm just not coping well with it due to inexperience. Any thoughts?

BlackUnicorn 04-04-2011 02:34 PM

Distance. For me, it works best. Some say that distance makes the heart grow fonder, but for me, it takes the acute sting of 'why can't I be with this person' away.

Do you talk to her online or on the phone or via SMS a lot still? See her weekly? Curb that down a little. Explain to her why. She'll understand and might even be grateful for a little pause.

When I broke up with my ex, he still called me everyday like nothing had happened. It went on for about a week and they had to ask him to stop calling because I couldn't handle it, just chatting about everyday things with him when there was this huge open wound where my heart was supposed to be.


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