Long time lurker, rare poster...
I'm in need of a sounding board, and maybe a bit of advice, or maybe I just want to whine a little bit. :) Loooong story short, I dated an amazing woman for a brief time last year, after a run-up of several months getting to know her via various internet means. Her primary boyfriend (considering that she lived with him, that's how I always viewed him) became uncomfortable with her outside dating, and that part of our relationship ended. Being married myself, I didn't feel right 'fighting' to maintain the relationship. I made the call that preserving the friendship we had was more important to me.
We're still great friends, we still get together socially, I get along fine with her boyfriend and harbor him absolutely no ill will whatsoever. Buuuuut....I'm still really attracted to her. That never stopped. I miss kissing her. I find myself thinking about her way too often, what could have been, what I wish had happened, ect. ect.
I didn't date a lot of women before I met my wife, and D. is the first woman I dated other than my wife in almost a decade. I know I became too attached to her in too short of a time, probably because of this. I'm having a hard time getting past it. Our friendship is important to me, and I treasure it, I just wish I could stop daydreaming about 'more'.
Am I doomed? :) Do I just need to take it like a man and get over it? I suspect this is actually a rather common problem among people who've actually dated more than I have, and I'm just not coping well with it due to inexperience. Any thoughts?
Distance. For me, it works best. Some say that distance makes the heart grow fonder, but for me, it takes the acute sting of 'why can't I be with this person' away.
Do you talk to her online or on the phone or via SMS a lot still? See her weekly? Curb that down a little. Explain to her why. She'll understand and might even be grateful for a little pause.
When I broke up with my ex, he still called me everyday like nothing had happened. It went on for about a week and they had to ask him to stop calling because I couldn't handle it, just chatting about everyday things with him when there was this huge open wound where my heart was supposed to be.
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