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-   -   Is it possible to be emotionally poly? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=8423)

snickers 04-04-2011 02:26 AM

Is it possible to be emotionally poly?
 
But not physically poly? Not finding a lot of discussion about this. Is there a tag I can look for?

idealist 04-04-2011 02:38 AM

I would say yes. Just as all humans are sexual beings, it doesn't mean all humans have a sexual partner. So, also- Just because a person is poly, doesn't mean they have a partner or partners. Also- even when a person knows they are poly and are looking for a partner or partners, doesn't mean they will be able to find them.

MonoVCPHG 04-04-2011 02:39 AM

Why not? Asexual people can have multiple romantic partners and may never engage in sex.

I think it is totally possible to be romantically in love with people and not engage in sexual activity. The love is the same but the expression is just different.

For some this would be frustrating, for an asexual person this would be completely adequate. For a person with boundaries around physical partners it might only be tolerable.

You don't even need to include poly in this question because the same principle would apply to a romantic but non-sexual monogamous relationship.

Getting to know asexual people has really changed my view on love and sex.

idealist 04-04-2011 02:50 AM

I'd like to know more about asexual people if you don't mind Mono. I'm assuming that being asexual is a lifestyle choice like celibacy? Or, do you mean that asexual is a part of the sexuality of a person??

MonoVCPHG 04-04-2011 02:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by idealist (Post 74534)
I'd like to know more about asexual people if you don't mind Mono. I'm assuming that being asexual is a lifestyle choice like celibacy? Or, do you mean that asexual is a part of the sexuality of a person??

Asexual is an orientation...just like gay or straight.

We just attended a seminar/meeting hosted by one of the leading asexual activists. People have them just as misunderstood as poly people LOL!

Tonberry 04-04-2011 02:55 AM

The way I see it, poly is about emotion first, so I don't think it requires being sexual or wanting to be sexual with several people. It is the most common case, yes, but not the only one. If that's how you are, you could define yourself as polyamorous and monosexual, for instance (asexual if you're not monosexual either).

@idealist, asexual people aren't attracted sexually to anyone. It's an orientation like heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, pansexual, etc. The prefix "a" is a privative, meaning sexually attracted to nobody.

They can still be heteroromantic, homoromantic, biromantic, describing who they might fall in love with. The sexual attraction simply doesn't exist. It's not about the choice of resisting one's sexual urges, it's about not having any to begin with.

snickers 04-04-2011 03:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG (Post 74530)
Why not? Asexual people can have multiple romantic partners and may never engage in sex.

I think it is totally possible to be romantically in love with people and not engage in sexual activity. The love is the same but the expression is just different.

For some this would be frustrating, for an asexual person this would be completely adequate. For a person with boundaries around physical partners it might only be tolerable.

You don't even need to include poly in this question because the same principle would apply to a romantic but non-sexual monogamous relationship.

Getting to know asexual people has really changed my view on love and sex.

It seems to me that getting to know this forum will change my view on a number of things. I have never really thought about anyone being asexual, but it makes absolute sense if that person has no sexual leanings or predispositons. Thank you for teaching me something new today.

MonoVCPHG 04-04-2011 03:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by snickers (Post 74550)
I have never really thought about anyone being asexual, but it makes absolute sense if that person has no sexual leanings or predispositons.

Oddly enough I have this deep sense that the evolution of humankind will lead to asexuality as our intelligence increases. The collective energy that people expend trying to get into other peoples pants could power our cities :eek:
But that is a future of extreme efficiency without any of the fun ;)

snickers 04-04-2011 03:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tonberry (Post 74538)
The way I see it, poly is about emotion first, so I don't think it requires being sexual or wanting to be sexual with several people. It is the most common case, yes, but not the only one. If that's how you are, you could define yourself as polyamorous and monosexual, for instance (asexual if you're not monosexual either).

Thank you Tonberry. That answered a question I have been wondering about for quite sometime.

I am new to the idea of polyamory, and I am not certain if I will ever make the choice to be poly. But in my quest to better understand it, I had an epiphany of sorts when I was reading about NRE vs. ORE.

I can honestly say that while married these past years I have shared a love with two other individuals and that if I had allowed their emotionally close friendship and love to become more intimate, it would have bloomed into a new relationship that I was not prepared to have at the time.

Since I began reading more about polyamory, I realized that though my husband and I have participated in a very healthy and sexually monogamous relationship, we have both at times been attracted to people outside our relationship in ways that leaned more towards mutual affection and nonphysical intimacy (rather than general physical attraction). Looking back at our relationship, I was struck by how each of these situations that have come up over the years had injected new life into our marriage. The result of which was that on a couple of occasions the outside party has become a very close and dear friend for one or both of us.

However, because we live in a monogamous society it is very hard to admit to oneself that you have loved or fallen in love with someone outside of your marriage. As a result, I never explored the close bonds that I shared with these other individuals in a manner that would have been more truthful to myself or my husband, until now.

This is still much more that my husband and I need to sort out as we continue our discussions on this subject. Least of which includes jealousy...but that is another topic for another thread.

In the meantime you have answered something that has been sitting at the forefront of my mind in regards to polyamory. I would have to venture a guess that there are more people out there who are emotionally polyamorous but physically monosexual then I would have previously thought....including myself.

redpepper 04-04-2011 04:56 AM

Do a tag search for "asexual" there are threads here on the topic that have some good links on them for asexuals and those who are interested.


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