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-   -   Returning to poly life, tentatively (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=8364)

lilywitch 04-01-2011 04:39 PM

Returning to poly life, tentatively
 
Hello :). I'm the partner of composerJ, who posted an introduction a few days ago and I am also new to this forum. I'm a bisexual woman who is primarily attracted to other women, but who is in a LTR with a man. I'm joining because while I've been comfortably polyamorous in the past, I've been in a mono relationship for the past four or five years. This relationship has been the best of my life in many, many ways, but unfortunately I'm discovering that the huge part of me that wants to have a girlfriend is not only not going away, but is getting stronger and more insistent as time goes by. My partner doesn't want to split up and neither do I, so we've talked about and agreed to try an open relationship where I can find a woman to also be in a relationship with. My own tendencies are towards serious relationships, not casual sex and I've never been in more than two at once, (and have never felt the need to be). My partner though is having a lot of trouble with the idea that I want to love someone else as well; he jokes that he would almost be happier if I just wanted to sleep with someone casually, but that's simply not in my makeup.

This is all very difficult, because as much as I know from experience that I can love two people at once and be fully committed, as much as I'm willing to negotiate boundaries with my partner as "primary" and as much as I really want this all to work so that we can stay together forever, I'm very frightened that it won't. I'm afraid that my very mono partner is going to wind up resenting this decision a great deal and that we'll wind up splitting up, only on even worse terms than we would have if we hadn't tried this option. I know that I'm hurting him and I want to find a way to stop, but I'm afraid that it either doesn't exist, or that I won't be bright enough to figure it out. At the same time though I'm finding that I truly can't change who I am, as much and as long as I've tried. Advice, input and even encouragement would all be more than welcome! ;)

ImaginaryIllusion 04-07-2011 03:58 PM

Welcome to the Forum.


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