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-   -   3rd party only wants to be with my girl (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=8354)

curiouslez 04-01-2011 01:47 AM

3rd party only wants to be with my girl
 
So my girlfriend and I have been doing very well! We even met a guy the other night that I surprisingly REALLY liked! She likes him alot too! I've never been a "man-hater" or anything like that. I just never really connected with guys, but he was WAY different! I'll call him J. My girl and J just met about a week ago, and then I met him a few days after so it's all still very new. I felt very comfortable around him in a rather, intimate way. Which was strange to me. All 3 of us had a great time!

Now, my girl and I also have another guy named, T. T is dating my girl but not me; he and I just aren't into eachother that way and that is okay with all of us. My girl has explained to T that she wants a gf (most likely me; her and I are just taking it as it is) and to be able to play around with other guys; I know that I want another girl in my life and possibly a guy. T has said... he only wants to be with my girl.

Now, I think T is a great guy, I really like him, I have rarely felt jealousy towards him (and when I did I just analyzed my feelings and found the real point of it) and I know my girl loves him. But what T said about *only* being with her worries me. I personally don't think it's possible for a couple where 1 is mono and the other is poly to be together; it just seems very unhealthy to me. It's like a gay person and straight person being together; it is possible for those two types to fall in love with eachother and truly care about one another, but that one SMALL detail (gay vs. straight / poly vs. mono) can make a HUGE difference.

Am I being out of line or unreasonable? Does this happen AND work out?

nycindie 04-01-2011 01:55 AM

Do a search for mono/poly. There are plenty of members here having that type of relationship.

MonoVCPHG 04-01-2011 03:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by curiouslez (Post 74022)

Am I being out of line or unreasonable? Does this happen AND work out?

Two years and four months so far and going strong...yes it does happen and yes it can work out :).....but it takes a lot of work, never doubt that.

BlackUnicorn 04-01-2011 05:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by curiouslez (Post 74022)
I know that I want another girl in my life and possibly a guy. T has said... he only wants to be with my girl.

But what T said about *only* being with her worries me. I personally don't think it's possible for a couple where 1 is mono and the other is poly to be together; it just seems very unhealthy to me.

Woot? Why does it have to be mono/poly, if you want another relationship too, possibly with a man? AND with another female too, or did I read this right? Why does it have to be the exact same man your gf has the hots for?

A-haa! You are worried about T being mono?

vodkafan 04-01-2011 06:55 PM

Yes it can work. A lot depends on the mono person. If he is accepting of your in her life then no problem. Sounds like it is working so far.

Ariakas 04-01-2011 08:13 PM

Have you asked him his take on that statement. You may be reading too deeply into the "only" verbiage. :)

redpepper 04-02-2011 03:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by curiouslez (Post 74022)
I personally don't think it's possible for a couple where 1 is mono and the other is poly to be together; it just seems very unhealthy to me. It's like a gay person and straight person being together; it is possible for those two types to fall in love with eachother and truly care about one another, but that one SMALL detail (gay vs. straight / poly vs. mono) can make a HUGE difference.

It's worked for me so far... not for those who don't like to work on their relationship though.

Do a tag search and research "mono/poly" a bit, maybe you will get some insight as to how and why it might work.


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