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namerali 03-29-2011 11:45 PM

New to Poly
 
I'm an 28 year old male Edmontonian that just came out of a monogamous relationship and I've decided to start pursuing more open relationships.

After reading a few posts and gaining more of an insight into polyamory, I look forward to seeking advice from you all and, in time, advising others when I start becoming more experienced in this lifestyle choice.

So, I do want to launch my 'coming into the scene' as it were with a few questions:

1) How did any of you come into the polyamorous lifestyle?
2) Why do you enjoy being in a polyamorous relationship?
3) How do you deal with the ugliness that jealous and envy can bring?

Thanks all! I look forward to getting to know the people of the community better. :)

redpepper 03-30-2011 02:48 AM

Hello and welcome. Good questions to ask. There is a lot to read here on all of them. I suggest a tag search on "jealousy" and "coming out." There are also threads on peoples experiences too. I can't remember the tags for those. Anyway, have a look around more and make your self at home :)

Oh ya, some good threads to look at are found with a search for "lessons" and "foundations"

BlackUnicorn 03-30-2011 01:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by namerali (Post 73602)
1) How did any of you come into the polyamorous lifestyle?
2) Why do you enjoy being in a polyamorous relationship?
3) How do you deal with the ugliness that jealous and envy can bring?

Yay! A poll! I love polls!

1) I can't remember when exactly I first heard the word 'polyamory', but when I found Deborah Anapol's book in the library I immediately recognized the word. It just had an 'ah, this makes sense to me' effect on me. I had truly enjoyed watching documentaries on the subject, and being such a small country, those documentaries are what started the journey of self-discovery for many people from what I've heard!

2) More happiness for everyone! Also, a very rapid programme of self-growth complete with new relationship skills is in store. Lots of processing, which can start off good things in other parts of your life, too. I feel I have so much love to give that no one person could handle all of it. Also, the people I am with are just too good not to share! And you get to meet people and have experiences you wouldn't otherwise.

3) For me, the hardest part is seeing or hearing someone else feel neglected, which can be the starting point for jealousy. Especially if I can't just cuddle the insecurities away, which isn't possible anyway but it would certainly make me feel better.

Tonberry 03-30-2011 05:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by namerali (Post 73602)
1) How did any of you come into the polyamorous lifestyle?

I learned about polyamory online, while trying to figure out what "was wrong with me". I believe I've always been poly but didn't realise there was an option to be (and a word for it). I learned about swinging first, but it didn't sound like it really matched what I was hoping for, and then I learned about polyamory, and it all seemed to finally fall into place for me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by namerali (Post 73602)
2) Why do you enjoy being in a polyamorous relationship?

Simply because it gives me the option to be romantically involved with the people I love, without a number restriction placed on me by other people. Even with only one partner, I can devote myself to my relationship better if I don't resent my partner for "trapping" me in it. It also makes me feel closer to be able to be myself and have them accept and love me for it.
Being able to talk about feelings for someone else and have it be a good thing rather than a bad one, for instance.

Quote:

Originally Posted by namerali (Post 73602)
3) How do you deal with the ugliness that jealous and envy can bring?

Honestly, that hasn't happened to me yet. The only thing I can't bear is not feeling included, so I need to be kept informed of what is going on, and warned about plans as soon as they're made, etc. I want to feel like I'm part of the whole relationship, not like it's different relationships separated by a wall I can't see or hear through.


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