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-   -   How much do babies change things? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=8084)

faraday 03-22-2011 10:32 PM

How much do babies change things?
 
Hi! Iím in a happy triad with my boyfriend and girlfriend and recently I fell completely in love with a long term friend who up to that point had been monogamous. Iíll call him Dave. Daveís wife is a very close friend and they have been friends with my boyfriend and I for about three years. Dave and I managed to fall stupid in love with each other at the same moment. And Dave and Amy (his wife) opened there relationship up so Dave and I could try this out.

Amy has always had outside play partners but it was emotionally difficult for Dave since Dave and I started dating he has been able to drop a lot of limits around Amyís play and they are both very happy about that. Amy will probably move into a sexual relationship with a play partner when she feels ready. So things have been amazing. My girlfriend and boyfriend have been so supportive and there is a new level of honesty and friendship that feels amazing and itís so much fun.

So here is the thing Dave and Amy have been planning on trying for a kid next fall. They are planners and Amy is going to go off birth control sometime in the fall. I have never wanted kids and will never have them. Things are just getting on there feet between Dave, Amy and I and Iím worried about how a kid will change things. These two _should_ have kids they will be rock star parents and as there friend I have always looked forward to seeing that happen but Iíve never had someone I was romantically attached to become a parent.

Does anyone have any experiences with a secondary partner becoming a parent and how that changes the relationship?

Ariakas 03-22-2011 11:43 PM

Wow that sounds complicated.

Having no kids but knowing people with kids, and further to that seeing this happen on this forum as well. Reading instances where this happened.

Yes it changes things. How it changes things is completely individual on the couple, wife and husband. You should be prepared for... anything :)

NeonKaos 03-22-2011 11:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ariakas (Post 72392)

Yes it changes things. How it changes things is completely individual on the couple, wife and husband.

AND ON THE BABY. THE BABY IS A NEW PERSON.

Gaud. People are always wondering how a BABY will change "THEIR relationship(s)". "The baby" is NOT an accessory.

River 03-23-2011 12:19 AM

As for the question of babies..., I'd say of any people who are actual human adults, a status not necessarily age-related, let them have a baby if they understand population presure issues.

As for spelling and grammar? I'm not so good at either myself. But have a look at ...
http://www.wikihow.com/Use-There,-Their-and-They're

Ariakas 03-23-2011 12:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NeonKaos (Post 72394)
AND ON THE BABY. THE BABY IS A NEW PERSON.

Gaud. People are always wondering how a BABY will change "THEIR relationship(s)". "The baby" is NOT an accessory.

*shrugs*.. the question was the affect on the relationship. The baby being born is a big enough change in the babies life. The baby should just be able to lay there and be taken care of. Everything around the baby is impacted.

I am not sure where I implied it wasn't a person.

NeonKaos 03-23-2011 12:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ariakas (Post 72397)

I am not sure where I implied it wasn't a person.

I didn't say you said that. Is it ok if I quote something without making it out like I'm trying to paraphrase what was quoted? I was ADDING something to the discussion, not trying to say you said something you never said.

...really am not walking on eggshells anymore.

ray 03-23-2011 12:52 AM

Yeah, I don't have any. I hear they're pretty life-changing. You may be able to create a dynamic with all of you but it'll sure as hell be different than things are now. On the plus side for them, however, maybe you can be there to help out around the house as things get crazy with a new born.

Setxfamily 03-23-2011 02:27 AM

The dynamics of the relationship will change drastically expecially during the first year. As to how they will change that is really hard to say it varries from family to family and child to child but expect the baby to come first in everything.

faraday 03-23-2011 02:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by River (Post 72396)

As for spelling and grammar? I'm not so good at either myself. But have a look at ...
http://www.wikihow.com/Use-There,-Their-and-They're

I'm horribly dyslexic spelling is something that doesn't come to me very easily. I'm in an MFA writing program and I need my boyfriend and girlfriend to check my spelling before I turn anything in.

I know you are just trying to be helpful but it feels condescending because even if I wasn't correct it didn't impair your ability to understand me.

ImaginaryIllusion 03-23-2011 02:42 AM

I think a generally safe approximation of with regard to baby's affect on the parents lives:

Pack up your life in box, both breakable and precious (like fine China) along with heavy and indestructible (cast iron pan) as well as the messy (Styrofoam peanuts) and fun (LUBE!).
Turn upside down and shake vigorously. (Never Ever ever never try this with an actual baby!!!)
After the first year, see what's left.

In terms of how this will affect you? It's a matter of how your relationship is with them...China, Cast Iron, Styrofoam or Lube?


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