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-   -   A life alien to your own (Our Blog) (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=8046)

TeamD79 03-21-2011 10:35 PM

A life alien to your own (Our Blog)
This is going to be our blog, So I guess Ill start with our story.

My wife & I had talked in the past about having a partner sleep with us, to share what we had with someone new. Time went by & last year I had a hospital stay & actually died for a bit in the recovery room after a surgery. After the hospital stay was over I found myself not the same as before, it was like an alarm went off in my head that we were missing part of life & I started to notice things I hadn't before. I noticed several women & began to think back on those conversations. on Halloween of last year I went to an office meeting with a co worker & noticed a serious connection with her... We will call her "M". I spent the day with her & KNEW there was a connection, & M was strong enough to stand up & tell me something about it. So I discussed it with Heather, asking if she would still want to try that, after some conversation she said she would as long as there was rules about what could & could not happen. When it started it was just going to be a sexual relationship. I talked to M & asked if she would be interested in sleeping with us & after some thought she was ready for the talks to begin. I can't tell you how oddly everyone felt during those first 2 nights of talking. I was so scared I was damaging our lives.
We had several concerns, we knew she was young, we knew she had just left a relationship, we knew none of us had done anything like this before... But everyone was willing to try.
But after it was over rules were set & everyone became comfortable & it happened. Not long after my wife & I began to develop strong feeling for her & it seemed as though she was feeling the same for us, so several rules fell by the wayside as the nature of the relationship changed...
For several months we were all SO HAPPY, everyone was SO jealous of what we had, we were all content. We went out to eat together, She slept over often & I would watch over them while they slept & made sure they were safe, we even took a trip to Vegas that was a magic time I will never forget & don't want to.
It was like she completed a part of us we never knew was missing.
I found something new in myself, I ENJOYED watching over & protecting them, MUCH more than I ever expected.

It FILLED me with joy like never before to see them happy together, holding hands, whispering, running around the stores..

But it changed over time, M didn't feel the same, she IS young & is not ready to settle down & she does have that desire for a normal life & this was too far from normal for her, & I don't think she could have ever told her family (who she lives with now).
But I really thought she felt the same for both of us & was just scared or confused about the feelings she was having for one or both of us, I really thought it was one of those minor obstacles in a relationship that people get over & are stronger because of it.
But after 6 months we let her go. We never wanted to make her something she want & were very careful to never push her to do anything.
In the end we talked to her one last night & made our final offer... She could come live with our family, we would have her children if she wanted that one day & we would have an equal triangle relationship, but she said no.
We offered her everything we have & everything we are & she still left, even now, I just can't believe we lost. 2 people offer another person everything of themselves & would have loved her forever, but in the end she was not ready for that. I can understand & respect the desire for a normal life that she still wants to see other people & experiment with life, but it still hurts.
We made SURE to remain best of friends with her & she still comes & does family activities with us & the kids, but we still want more & would still pay ANY price for it. Heather & I have a LOT of love to share & we enjoyed having someone new to care for.
She said she was shy but seemed SO STRONG to me, one of the things she told me I will never forget is "I wasn't going to let myself pass up this chance to be with you"

When it was over we were DEVASTATED we tried to talk to our friends for comfort & support, but nobody understood. The closest friends listened & cared that we were hurting, but still didn't understand... & Then I would get the people who would ask things like "Why would you fuck up your life like that" which just made us feel worse.

After it was all over, I was the designated driver for her birthday party & she became VERY drunk, little did I know Heather was sitting at home getting very drunk too. So instead of bringing her home that night I took her home with me one last time. I spent the night running from bathroom to bathroom cleaning them up, but you have no idea how GOOD it felt to have them both their again to protect them & make everything ok, one more time.

I'm glad we found this forum, several of your stories have helped us understand & feel better, just knowing that were not alone in the world.

--- posted by Kris

TeamD79 03-21-2011 10:42 PM

Becoming a triangle from a wife's POV

It all started a few years ago with my own curiosity. Something that I had always wondered about. I first asked my husband if he would ever be interested in giving a threesome a go a few years back after a party we had. Nothing more than that. Just a bit of fun. Nothing really was said about the subject for a few years, so it shocked and kind of scared me when he brought it up last October after having many MANY medical issues that caused me to realize how lost I would be without him. That I truly did need him for myself to survive.

There was this girl he worked with that he thought fit what we would want in a threesome,someone I had only met twice before, and wondered if I would be willing to try with her.

The immediate thought was one of absolute terror. I knew she had interest in him , and now it seemed the feeling was mutual. How could Ipossibly fit into that? And after 15 years of marriage that started when we were 17 how could I be assured that I ever could find a role in this? Would I loose everything? Feelings that I was not enough for him anymore. How would I, How COULD I go on without him if this ends badly and it takes him out of my life? All fears that any wife would feel going into something like this. And very valid fears that I had to make myself ok with in order to proceed.

It took a lot of work to get myself to the point that I was willing to give it a try. Kris was awesome. He did a fantastic job of keeping me reassured and made sure I knew very well that this was just fun. It was me he loved, and at the time, I must admit I was in it to make him happy. But letting go of him even a little bit was the hardest thing I have ever done. I could see that this was something he wanted now, and I was curious, so I figured if all else fails at least I will get a new experience out of the deal. I loved him enough to give what he wanted a try.
So I just stopped over thinking it and gave it a go.

He talked to our "M" and she was shocked. I do not think that when she expressed interest in HIM she bargained to get us both, and she and I did not know each other well at all. After a few awkward meetings she and I became more comfortable with each other and to my honest surprise, this was a bit easier than I thought it would be. Things progressed to a deeper level after that.

She held me tight. She took such good care of me. She was able to notice things immediately that it took Kris a while and a little prodding to take notice of. LOL. She was so attentive to my feelings. She never did anything without making sure I was 100% ok with it first. We would make jokes that we were going to run away together just me and her. We made road trips and shopping trips.How could I NOT fall in love with that? Between the two of them I had everything I ever wanted and needed and new things I had no idea before now that even existed. It was pure bliss. We had it all, and we wanted to give her the world.

We introduced her to the kids, and had many family outings and diners and she fit very well into our family. The kids, after a little coaxing for our 15 year old, grew to love her as any other part of the family. And that is exactly what she became; part of the family. Obviously at this point our view of her as being a fun new toy had changed into one of pure love and adoration. We were willing to give her our lives.

Then rather suddenly after a few months of heaven something changed. She stopped responding to text messages that I sent to her every night to wish her a good nights sleep. She would come over and glow at the sight of Kris, and visa versa, but the caring and attentiveness she had for me went away. I tried to just chock it up to my own jealousy, something I knew I would have to deal with at some point , and that my mind was reading more into the situation than was really there.
But after a few weeks of the same, I brought it up to the both of them. She did tell me then she was having feelings for him and she was just trying to deal with jealousy of her own but she assured me everything would be ok, and just like I was, she was working on it within herself, and she didn't want to hurt me. She loved me enough to not want these feelings that were arising in her for him. But there was a bond between them. They work together and see each other every day the same circle of friends, etc. I only got to see her once a week or so. It was understandable. She assured me that she was NOT here to take him away from me and she had no intention of ever allowing that to happen.

She tried bless her heart. She cared enough about me to step out of the picture in the end. I know she loves me, but it is not the same, and I can not blame her or feel anger to her for that in one bit. We started this as fun and it became something very different, Something very "odd" to a lot of people. It hurt me to see her try so hard to force the same feelings for me that I had developed for her.
She was not Bi. She was young. She could not exactly introduce us to her family as her loves, so I understand, and despite the "M" shaped hole we both have in our lives now, we let her go. We gave her the last thing we could give to her, and that was a chance at a "normal" life.

For a week after Kris and I held each other and cried pretty much constantly.. We missed our "Sexy triangle", the feel of 4 arms instead of 2, I missed my friend.
Let me tell you how strange a feeling it is to hold your husband while he is crying over someone else, Or being held tight tight while you cry being held the one you love most in the world, and craving a different set of arms. I feel so guilty sometimes crying over her with him right here, but it helps that we are not in it alone, and we gained a best friend.
We still have each other, and we learned a lot about ourselves and what we want. What we need now. We will go forward from here with the knowledge we gained, different rules, new understanding of ourselves....

It shocks me that through this experience, one that could have torn the two of us apart has done the opposite. We are more bonded than we have ever been though our marriage. I am not scared anymore. We simply have too much love for two people to contain alone. What a wonderful ailment that is to have. :)

TeamD79 03-21-2011 10:44 PM

Final reserved post

Somegeezer 03-21-2011 10:55 PM

I think if you leave a post too long, you can't edit or delete it.

Ariakas 03-21-2011 11:09 PM


Originally Posted by Somegeezer (Post 72206)
I think if you leave a post too long, you can't edit or delete it.

24 hours. So these reservations may end up being cancelled. haha

nycindie 03-21-2011 11:17 PM

I think it's 12 hours we have to edit, actually.

TeamD79 03-21-2011 11:34 PM

I was not aware of the editing restrictions, thanks for the heads up ;-)

SNeacail 03-21-2011 11:47 PM

Since your both posting, please get seperate user names, your going to confuse the hell out of some of us.:p

TeamD79 03-21-2011 11:55 PM


Originally Posted by SNeacail (Post 72220)
Since your both posting, please get seperate user names, your going to confuse the hell out of some of us.:p

We will do that tonight

lotheriel79 03-22-2011 10:40 PM


Originally Posted by SNeacail (Post 72220)
Since your both posting, please get seperate user names, your going to confuse the hell out of some of us.:p

Done :) Lookie It's Heather all by me onsies!

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