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-   -   My Heart is Broken (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=8038)

AprilLove 03-21-2011 06:28 PM

My Heart is Broken
 
Almost eleven months ago, I met an amazing man. His spirit uplifted me, and I knew instantly that I wanted him in my life. We connected on so many different levels. We began a D/s relationship.

Well, this past weekend, we have parted ways. I have never felt such sadness.

I had to move on because in eleven months, I have only seen him four times. Those four times included his wife, which I did not mind at all. We live four hours away from each other and yes, I was willing to travel and do what it took to make it work. Not being able to have personal time with him took its toll. It felt like I was not allowed to have that time. We only conversed through email, no phone calls.

I was trying my best to fit into his world, to make his wife comfortable with me, with us. I was patient, I was willing to bend, but I felt like I was trying to pass a test that I would ultimately fail.

Confused, heartbroken but I keep telling myself to keep calm and carry on.

ray 03-21-2011 07:11 PM

Hey April,

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I'm dealing with a broken heart myself. It's never easy. I've never done long distance but it seems really challenging. It sounds like he and his wife had somethings they needed to work out. It's rough that you got caught in the middle. If they weren't able to meet you halfway then that reflects on them, not you. I'm really sorry. (((hugs)))

Ariakas 03-21-2011 07:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AprilLove (Post 72139)
I had to move on because in eleven months, I have only seen him four times. Those four times included his wife, which I did not mind at all. We live four hours away from each other and yes, I was willing to travel and do what it took to make it work. Not being able to have personal time with him took its toll. It felt like I was not allowed to have that time. We only conversed through email, no phone calls.

That would be rough. Not allowing for that kind of intimacy would be difficult. I wonder if thats how they allowed poly into their lives. By limiting the ability to be intimate. It wouldn't be the first time.

Long distance is very rewarding, but it didn't sound like "they" were willing to allow it to foster into anything.

Quote:

Confused, heartbroken but I keep telling myself to keep calm and carry on.
Life lessons. Take this as what it was, and you will move on and meet someone else. Its hard in the moment to feel like there is a reason for this.

AprilLove 03-22-2011 07:29 AM

Ray (((hugs)))

I am sorry that you are dealing with a broken heart too. Yes, they have alot of things to work out between them, more than I think they realize. I hope they do, for they are wonderful people. Distance is challenging, but it was doable, but I could never get past that wall that seemed to surround everything.

Ariakas

Quote:

That would be rough. Not allowing for that kind of intimacy would be difficult. I wonder if thats how they allowed poly into their lives. By limiting the ability to be intimate. It wouldn't be the first time.
Yes, this is exactly what I felt. There was so many rules and boundaries that it felt like I was having a relationship with a boundary instead of a living breathing person.

Yes, life lessons, take it as it was.

Thank you!

koifish 04-02-2011 04:11 AM

My heart goes out to you!


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