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-   -   NRE withdrawal??? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=8028)

FlameKat 03-21-2011 05:59 AM

NRE withdrawal???
 
Without rehashing my situation, too much, I want to ask a question...

long story short, I fell in love with my fiance's best friend, who semi-admitted that he felt the same, and abruptly left the playing field.

since that time, there has been brushes of contact, but nothing concrete or solid.

I am curious if; if I were feeling NRE when this relationship ended so abruptly, is it possible that I am suffering withdrawal from that? that the light brushes of contact are keeping the NRE from fully dying and are instead making me yearn for that person? (noting it is now touching on the 6 month mark of 'NRE withdrawal' for me - if that is what it is...)

just curious for others opinions on this one - I am trying desperately to find a way to deal with how I am feeling... and think this is a valid line of enquiry:p

redpepper 03-22-2011 03:53 PM

I asked my friend about this and this is what she said.

"Basically when you have a new lover, your brain starts to release dopamine whenever you're around them--or fantasizing about them, talking to them, etc. Dopamine activates the caudate nucleus, your brain's reward centre, and that's what causes NRE. Basically you get high (e.g., cocaine stimulates the dopamine receptor, among other things). This pathway can get hijacked in non-adaptive ways by other things that set off the reward centre, such as gambling and certain drugs. That's part of what's responsible for some addictions, is what makes people with NRE so damn oblivious and slightly crazy, and is also probably why your friend is still experiencing a rush when she talks to this guy. Just like a gambler who keeps losing but keeps playing, her brain has learned to connect thoughts of this guy to pleasure. Make sense?"

Hope it helps you understand something about yourself. I suppose there would be withdrawl if NRE is like an addiction.

Ariakas 03-22-2011 05:15 PM

I truly believe that NRE has drug like affects. I purposely avoid including others when I am in NRE or even in NRE withdrawl. Even though I try to keep control of it, it can still be an interesting affect.

A friend of mine, who was an avid drug user, used to fall in love with other addicts easily. She called it drug love. I think there is some of the same affects going on with NRE. Let the old NRE die down a bit and then you will be 100% sure you feel something for the new people.

There is also the flip side to this. Rebounding... while most look at it as a big bad word, it is pretty effective at killing those affects. Re-engages your brain in another direction.

Magdlyn 03-22-2011 06:36 PM

The best way to get over a man is to get under another one. ~ Mae West

;)

dragonflysky 03-22-2011 07:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Magdlyn (Post 72339)
The best way to get over a man is to get under another one. ~ Mae West

;)


You've got my vote on this one! :D

FlameKat 03-24-2011 10:56 AM

:D Very helpful thank you guys


there are quite a lot of issues going on in my scenario - and i think this topic is a definite player... but not the major/only component... WW and I had a very deep conversation just after my last post on my blog... and sorted through some major trust factors and hurts that were in play for me...

I have to say I am feeling a lot stronger in myself since then, and am definitely strong enough to deal with what turns out to be not so bad withdrawal (at the moment anyway)... at least now I can see through the hurt/broken trust to the reasons why that hurt is so bad... will see how things go...

TruckerPete 03-25-2011 11:14 AM

I think part of the problem in your situation might not necessarily be withdrawal, but simply hope. As I recall, your fiancÚ's best friend continues to make contact every now and again, and this really seems to hinder any progress you make healing.

At some point, you might find that you need to cut contact to heal. The carrot of hope being dangled in front of you is not helpful at all. Maybe you won't need to do this permanently, but certainly in the short term, for your own sake.

redpepper 03-26-2011 03:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TruckerPete (Post 72771)
I think part of the problem in your situation might not necessarily be withdrawal, but simply hope. As I recall, your fiancÚ's best friend continues to make contact every now and again, and this really seems to hinder any progress you make healing.

very good point actually :)

FlameKat 03-27-2011 12:14 PM

It is a very good point and one WW and I discussed... I am working up to having the strength to make that cut... we will be doing it jointly when I am able to.

TruckerPete 03-27-2011 12:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by flamekat (Post 73131)
it is a very good point and one ww and i discussed... I am working up to having the strength to make that cut... We will be doing it jointly when i am able to.

*hug*


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