Polyamory.com Forum

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James 09-17-2009 03:21 AM

Hi all
 
Hello everyone.

My name is james Im 19 and gay and live in Sacramento California. I never been in a polyamorous relationship but I am very interested in it. I guess Im Poly-curious lol.

My main problem with myself is that trying to get into a monogamous relationship I get passed up because I am overweight and what everyone calls small endowed. So it kinda took a hit on my self esteem. Doing some research I found out out about polamory. I thought well hell, if monogomy is not working I may as well try this. Im looking to learn and read and meet with people in my area and see if I can find a couple or just someone, anyone, who will accept and love me for me. So yeah thats my little intro and Im usually not that open but I guess I need to start lol...


Well thats it hope to make many friends here.

greenearthal 09-17-2009 03:25 AM

Welcome. Best of luck in your endeavors.

James 09-17-2009 03:28 AM

Thank you. I hope I can figure out the mental part of this out as well as the physical.

WaywardDruid 09-17-2009 03:57 AM

Hello & Welcome...
 
Hope you enjoy the forums.

Hello & Welcome......

http://lazarusl.com/welcomeWolf.gif

Just Me,
Tim

vandalin 09-17-2009 04:33 AM

Welcome!

MonoVCPHG 09-17-2009 05:31 AM

Self esteem first my friend :) It'll come from inside and then the rest will follow.

Take care
Mono

foxflame88 09-17-2009 05:27 PM

Welcome and good luck finding what you seek.

Loving yourself for who you are and embracing it will make life so much sweeter when you find your someone(s) special.

River 09-18-2009 12:16 AM

James,

... From one queer James to another...

Forget about the whole notion of getting anyone, or any others, to love you. Your essential first task is to love yourself. Only then can you hope to have happy loving relationships with others.

Others can't really jump start your own self love, either. That's something you have to discover in yourself. And practice with yourself. And grow in yourself. And then share with others.

Practice in all the ways you'd love anyone else. Say kind things to yourself, aloud or silently. Pour yourself a nice hot bath -- with bubbles, if it pleases you. Cook yourself nice meals, or take yourself out to dinner and a movie. Follow your interests, hobbies, passions, where they take you, and love LIFE itself. Your love of life itself will become a glow around you and others will be attracted to it, and you'll be liking yourself, so won't be disbelieving them when they tell you that they like you, too.

Start now. Embrace yourself right now with love, warmth and tenderness. If that's difficult, have tenderness toward yourself in this difficulty. But know this. If you don't love you, nobody else can do it for you in a happy and healthy way. Accept that fact, and be the first to solve it.

River 09-18-2009 12:40 AM

"My main problem with myself is that trying to get into a monogamous relationship I get passed up because I am overweight and what everyone calls small endowed. So it kinda took a hit on my self esteem. Doing some research I found out out about polamory. I thought well hell, if monogomy is not working I may as well try this."

Poly folk, on average, are no more likely to find you attractive--or unattractive--than other folks. So you can throw out that "reasoning". It isn't reasonable, James.

You are probably gonna have to live with the size of your "stuff" ("equipment"?), but diet and exercise can slim you down, if you really want it. And as for the "equipment"? Not everyone likes big-uns. Some guys really like the littler ones, I promise! There are all kinds. But if loving and being loved is what you want, there's no substitute for loving yourself. And when you love yourself you attract others who will feel the same way about both themselves and yourself -- and that's the only kind of love that really works, anyway. All of the other approaches, based on lack and fear, etc., end up creating unending drama and suffering. That drama and suffering is really unavoidable where there is a significant lack of self-loving.

I just corrected myself. First, I said, "lack of self-love" above. But that makes it look like a noun. And it isn't a noun! It's a verb. Self-loving is what you can do with yourself at any moment; and you can get better and better at it with practice, like golf, swimming, riding a bicycle, or learning to spell.... :D There's no other time than the present.

Okay, everyone! Big Self-Hugs!! ;)

James 10-03-2009 06:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by River (Post 7174)
James,

... From one queer James to another...

Forget about the whole notion of getting anyone, or any others, to love you. Your essential first task is to love yourself. Only then can you hope to have happy loving relationships with others.

Others can't really jump start your own self love, either. That's something you have to discover in yourself. And practice with yourself. And grow in yourself. And then share with others.

Practice in all the ways you'd love anyone else. Say kind things to yourself, aloud or silently. Pour yourself a nice hot bath -- with bubbles, if it pleases you. Cook yourself nice meals, or take yourself out to dinner and a movie. Follow your interests, hobbies, passions, where they take you, and love LIFE itself. Your love of life itself will become a glow around you and others will be attracted to it, and you'll be liking yourself, so won't be disbelieving them when they tell you that they like you, too.

Start now. Embrace yourself right now with love, warmth and tenderness. If that's difficult, have tenderness toward yourself in this difficulty. But know this. If you don't love you, nobody else can do it for you in a happy and healthy way. Accept that fact, and be the first to solve it.

Thanks, Its hard when you constantly hear certain negative remarks but overall I always dress as if I was thin. I make myself look good no matter what. Thats where I excel and I been getting that slowly with the arrival of my ex who is now straight and I realize he and I are not getting back together. Thanks alot river and everyone else :)


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