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-   -   POLY! OMG (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=7877)

2Bornot2B 03-15-2011 06:50 PM

POLY! OMG
 
I am Brand new to this site and I need some !! help Pronto!! I think I am headed for nothing but pain and heartache, hopefully this site that I just found this a.m. will help me sort out my feelings. I have been in a relationship with a man for just 4 short months, now he's expressed to me that he is POLY! OMG thought I'd die! I have always had a MONO phylosophy and oulook with regard to my previous realtionship esp. my marriage, divorced now, starting to date again and look what I now have to deal with. My boyfriends' honesty has thrown me for a huge loop. He knew when we met that I needed and wanted a MONO relationship, but I know how strong the attraction between us was and still is, maybe he just figured that over time he'd open me up to this new realm of exploration, insight, freedom etc., I don't know. The mere thought of him being involved with another woman sends my body into a jealous feeding frenzy! What am I going to do?? End the realtionship now or open myself up to learning, and exploring the possibilities? I don't know what to do especially because I'm falling in love and he is too with me, at least according to one of his best friends, so now what are the options here?

NeonKaos 03-15-2011 07:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 2Bornot2B (Post 71125)
I don't know what to do especially because I'm falling in love and he is too with me, at least according to one of his best friends, so now what are the options here?

For starters, talk about it with HIM instead of his friends.

2Bornot2B 03-15-2011 08:46 PM

NeonKaos
We have discussed this, and I told him very clearly how I feel about the Poly issue. Problem is as feelings of love deepen within me, I don't know what to about his desire for Poly relationship. Keep in mind that I have never been confronted by this aspect before, all of this is new tome. I don't know if I can handle it - should I stay and learn more about it before making a decision that I may regret? Or should I just cut my losses now and move on. I have been reading a lot of the Blogs etc on here all morning and I am learning more and more about this subject - that's a good thing - I just don't know if I am up to the challenge of really learning in depth about this issue and putting these new tools into practice with my new boyfriend is my relationship with him really worth all this work?? Guess that is something I will have to sort out. This web-site and all the info on it is most helpful at this point. How on earth do I even begin to sort all this out?? I feel like I've been "Blindsided"

PenguinDreams 03-15-2011 10:41 PM

2B, you've been with this guy for 4 months and he's just now telling you he's poly!? Unless he discovered this about himself yesterday this is unconscionable to me. If it took him this long to mention something so fundamentally important I'd be wondering just what else he neglected to divulge. I'd also be having serious doubts about his willingness to share other important things as they come up.

It's good that you're reading and learning about how other people manage their poly relationships, particularly how monos handle a poly partner. There seems to be quite a few here. But none of that is a substitute for having a good, honest talk with your guy about what his vision for poly is, how you fit into that and what he's going to do to help you along.

SNeacail 03-15-2011 11:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 2Bornot2B (Post 71148)
should I stay and learn more about it before making a decision that I may regret? Or should I just cut my losses now and move on.

Learning is never a bad idea. No one else can tell you what to do or what is best for you. You can let him know that you are really struggling with the whole idea and will need some time to make a decission.

Check out the "Golden Nuggets" section, there are alot of links and guidance for different threads and blogs.

NeonKaos 03-15-2011 11:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 2Bornot2B (Post 71148)
NeonKaos
We have discussed this, and I told him very clearly how I feel about the Poly issue.


I wasn't talking about the "poly issue". I was talking about how he really feels about you, when you say "at least according to his best friend". It sounds like his best friend is some sort of facilitator. If he loves you, you should find out from HIM, not from any of your friends.

It might not be a bad idea to cut your losses before things get involved any further. Four months is not a very long investment and it's enough to determine whether or not you're fundamentally compatible with someone. You can love someone and be "in love" with them and still not be compatible partners when it comes to day-to-day life. It sounds from your post that you already know deep down that you're not into this but you're trying to argue with yourself, probably because there's still a fair amount of NRE. I would trust my gut feelings if i were you. Just because I'm capable of "being poly" and write on this forum doesn't mean I think people shouldn't be true to themselves.


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