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-   -   Is it ever too soon? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=7514)

JenAgain 03-06-2011 02:36 AM

Is it ever too soon?
To say I love you?

I admittedly wear my heart on my sleeve. I fall in love easily, and granted that it often morphs into different types of love/relationships, it never really goes away. With the exception of one person, I still very much love (and am good friends, best with a couple even) with the people I had relationships with before I met my husband

So now here I am with J. Don't want to scare him off, but I feel this overwhelming feeling to tell him that I love him. I don't expect it in return. Don't need him to feel the same about me. There are still questions about him that I don't get, that are hard to understand. But I love him regardless. For what he brings to our family, my husband, myself. I find myself pausing and afraid to say it because I don't know if it's too soon, or too much. Then on the other hand, not telling him seems wrong too.

We've known him 3 years, this exploration into poly has been going on 2 months, of course I always felt that connection when he was here. I love the relationship him and my hubby have, and the comfort that we all have when he is here. I don't think he feels the same way about me as I do about him, that that's not what it's about for me. I have no problem telling friends that I love them, and often do, even guy friends who I don't have this connection with, but something about telling him seems so much more loaded.

I dunno... thoughts? opinions??

Tried doing a search for this, but couldn't think of the proper key words that would narrow it down any more :)

nycindie 03-06-2011 02:53 AM

My guess is that you're experiencing a rather heady euphoria right now, but I would wait to express that love until it feels a little more... grounded? Know what I mean? Revel in it for a while, enjoy the feelings, let the chemical bath you're in settle down a bit. If you say it too soon, especially since you have really just begun and are all still working things out, it could complicate things unnecessarily.

LovingRadiance 03-06-2011 05:49 AM

It's all a matter of opinion.
But personally, I wouldn't.

I'm friends with all of my "exes" as well. But, part of the reason is that I am, is that I respected them all as friends, not just lovers. It certainly is'nt becuase I told them I loved them. ;)

JenAgain 03-06-2011 01:19 PM

I will take your advice to heart and wait... it's so hard for me! I definitely don't want to complicate things, especially when they are going so well right now. :)

Thank you :)

Magdlyn 03-06-2011 01:57 PM

Sigh... after I had that 4way with my gf and her female friend, and my sweetie D, I so wanted to tell D I loved him when we were parting... but I didn't. I mean, I am not "in love" with D, but I sure do feel a strong fondness for him. But I am pretty sure he wouldnt have taken it well. It might make him uncomfortable. So I didnt say it. Even tho we've been seeing each other for 2 years now. I don't want to scare him.

Beodude123 03-06-2011 05:24 PM

Considering that he isn't really taking the relationship aspect seriously, I'd say it's too early. I'd wait a little bit for him to open up more. Having the L bomb dropped when he is just starting to get comfortable might be too much.

PBK 03-07-2011 01:32 PM

If ou just have to say it and you think its to soon....then wait for a day when our walking him out a door and say it out loud behind the closed door mabe that would help:o

Charlie 03-07-2011 03:06 PM

Tell him you love him.

And do it lovingly.

With love.

MrFarFromRight 03-17-2011 08:20 PM

I'm going to swim against the current (what the hell do I know???) and agree with Charlie. If you love him and you're itching to tell him so, do it. Just do it without expectations - and let him know that as well.

There's a novel by Vonnegut where one person says to another: "I love you."
The other replies: "When you say that, I feel like you're pointing a gun at my head. What else am I allowed to reply but 'I love you, too'?"

Make sure that J knows that there's no gun.

Q: Is it ever too soon? To say I love you?
A: Better too soon than too late. (just my opinion)

p.s. I think that you and Beodude123 should invite J to read these threads. (just a crazy idea)

MrFarFromRight 03-17-2011 08:23 PM

WHY are we all so scared of Love??? (Or of admitting it?... Or of the consequences of admitting it?)

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