Lets start a revolution
After a 9 year relationship and seeing all the relationships around me (parents, friends, etc), and after reading this book:
http://www.amazon.com/Sex-Dawn-Prehi.../dp/0061707805 (highly recommended)
I arrived to the conclusion that polyamory / an open relationship is the only way to true happiness.
Most people do not discuss these topics but now that this interests me, it is so interesting to bring it up to people and see their reaction. I like to ask them "Are you happy with your relationship?" (a long monogamous one) the answer is always the same....
"Ammmmmmmmmm... well.......... life is not about being happy..."
WRONG - life IS about being happy!
Then I ask "how many times do you and your partner have sex?"
They all look at me with this funny look, then get closer (because it's a secret) and they say - "about once a month".
It is not that couples become "familiar" with each other and want "new stuff". Couples actually become disinterested in each other, PHYSICALLY, because it is a BIOLOGICAL mechanism which is inside of us, which is designed to make us look for different partners all the time.
Anyway... I'm glad I found this forum. What do you think is the best way to spread the "lies of monogamy"? Do you talk about this with your friends? Family?
How do you find partners that have the same POV? Do you just tell people that you meet that this is how you see things? Or you actually look for people who are already "into" it? Is there a club / mailing list / dating site for people like us? :-)
One book later, based on research and a perspective that is not without debate, and you're ready to start a revolution against the lies of monogamy?
I'm sorry your relationship didn't work out but perhaps you should take some time to heal before you take on the bulk of modern society. You're enthusiasm is great, but your aproach is going to fail.
Polyamory seeks acceptance, not conversion.
If you want to show people how beautiful and happy your home is, you don't start by telling them how ugly and shitty their's is. Lead by example. Give people something positive and healthy to look at and those that want to follow will.
Poly is not the one true way of relationships...monogamy is not the one true way of relationships. There is no one true way. Every way is valid to the hearts of individuals. Not everyone works the same.
Welcome to the forum and take care :)
Thanks for your post. I agree about setting an example and not trying to convert.. but... and it's a big but:
You say "Poly is not the one true way of relationships...monogamy is not the one true way of relationships"
Yes, I agree. But there is a deeper issue here. Of course not everybody is the same - 1 out of 1000 people will be usexual and 1 out of 1000 people will be Hypersexual (clinically) (I'm just throwing numbers but the point is, it is not common) but in the end of the day, most of us are born in a very wide middle ground of "normality" - in terms of our hormones, mental capacity, how our brain works, etc. So we are born (more or less) equal.
Then comes society, culture, our family, religion, etc etc, and try to mold us into certain ways - in the case of our discussion - into a monogamous lifestyle + breed into us the concept of romantic love which we were all fed into believing from infancy . (The Lion King and any other Disney movie, any children book, the bible, etc etc etc I don't think you can argue about this)
Then you grow up and you start to notice all kind of things. For example -
At the age of 12 - "Wow I like to touch myself. I like to touch myself 5 times a day!"
At the age of 13 - "Wow, all my friends are the same too. Left alone without nothing else to do, we will touch ourselves until orgasm 4 to 8 times a day"
At the age of 17 - "Wow, girls think about sex just like boys do"
Age 18 - "hey... girls like sex MORE than boys do!" (if they are healthy)
Age 20 - "Hey, I just read the statistics about marriages, turns out that 65% of people divorce."
Age 21 - "I have this AMAZING girlfriend who is the manifestation of all my fantasies, but I keep looking at other girls!"
Age 22 - "Me and my amazing girlfriend have sex only once a week... hey, whats going on here?!"
These are the prevailing facts!
Etc etc etc... then you start to put the dots together... Look, I can't put down everything here, but if you know about sperm wars, if you look at divorce rates, if you consider that most married couples, after 3 years, will sleep with each other ONCE A MONTH if not LESS, then suddenly EVERYTHING collapses around you. You realize that everything you've been brought up to believe is wrong.
It is not wrong "for me". It is just plane wrong - with our biology, with our mental capacity, with our DNA, with everything. The evidence is so overwhelming, and I have talked to DOZENS of people about this, from all backgrounds and all ages and all sexes / orientations, and every single person I spoke with could identify with everything I was saying.
Now... if someone lives against his own biology, whats the result? Our all internal system gets screwed up, hormonally. We become sick, frustrated. We take it out on our partners... unhappy couples, broken homes, frustrations, sexual dysfunction, divorces, single parents.
Am I taking this too far? I don't think so. Monogamy is the basis of our society. It is EVERYTHING. It is the most basic notion that governs our lives / society.
So.... yea, I'm enthusiastic. I think this is huge. It is the equivalent to "the death of god" (Nietzsche). It is equivalent to the discovery of the steam engine. Left to our biology and stripped from the control of religion, our entire society should have been organized RADICALLY differently.
(Yes, I know, they tried it in the 60s...)
Anyway... my two cents.
All very interesting and valid points but you should consider broadening your scope of research is all I am saying. Divorce rates are actually down in north america according to some resources including Anthropologist Helen Fischer.
Here is a link to a thread about some of her information. She is every bit as credible as the authors of Sex at Dawn and gives some great insight into how the human brain works with respect to love. Just another source of information. If you are going to start a revolution you need more ammo then the writings of one book. Keep up your research and fight the good fight my friend :)
Sorry I have to continue this.
So... After 9 years I told my girlfriend - "I really want to sleep with other women sometimes". It was a SHOCK for her. Why? Because for 9 years I haven't even LOOKED at other girls while I was around her. In fact, she told me that she thought that something is "wrong" with me, or that I might be gay.
And why didn't I even look at other girls around her? Because I didn't want to make her uncomfortable... because I learned that "it's wrong". Even that looking is, according to society, "OK". But touching?? god forbid!
Two people married for 30 years. 3 kids. The guy will sleep with an escort one time.... or with the secretary.. whoever. BOOM! Divorce! The wife will take the house, the car, the kids - the 30 years? OUT THE WINDOW!
Tiger Woods.......... You know what would have been news to me? If he would be Tiger Woods and HE WOULDN'T SLEEP WITH $2000 an hour escorts!!! That would have been news!
But no... all the newspapers and everybody was talking about "bad" Tiger Woods, and what a terrible person he is, and this and that... He had sex! THE HORROR!
And in the same time... SEX IS EVERYWHERE. On every single woman's newspaper - "50 tricks to spark your sex life!" "25 ways to make your man go crazy!" "10 things you didn't know about your man's orgasm!" Look at ANY video clip on MTV - SEX SEX SEX! It is EVERYWHERE !
BUT........... YOU CANNOT HAVE IT! You must get married, have kids and have sex once a month, with ONE person! FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE
WHY? Because we said so !!!!!
Ok now that I took that out of system... haha. Look at the middle east... people fighting for democracy, to be free from dictatorship. What about the dictatorship of social conventions?
What people actually do doesn't matter really... what matters is how these marriages look like.
Lets put something else on the table - impotency: NOTHING IS WRONG WITH US. IT'S JUST THAT ONCE WE SLEPT WITH YOU 1000 TIMES, WE WANT SOMETHING NEW!!!!
:-) Half kidding.... (half not)
How do you explain the biology of some birds and animals that are monogamous for life....no religion or morays to blame. Often I have seen comments about the "reptilian brain" .... reptiles aren't mono are they? That should be a good thing right.
Also - 99.9% of animals DO NOT have recreational sex (have sex when the female is not ovulating). Humans? We want sex ALL the time. It doesn't make any sense, and it makes us (people) more "animal" than any other "animal".
From wikipedia: "The amount of social monogamy in animals varies across taxa, with over 90 percent of birds engaging in social monogamy but only 7 percent of mammals engaging in social monogamy."
OK so.... if I was a bird........... I would consider monogamy... but I'm not a bird... at least not last time I checked......
Keep things in perspective.
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