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-   -   What about the breakup? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=7333)

Quantumkate 03-01-2011 11:27 PM

What about the breakup?
Hey all. My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 7 years (considering we are 22 I find that very important.) We decided to try poly because we are still very in love but want to still be young and free. He just got out of a relationship with a girl who he dated for almost a year. She basically lived with us and was told upfront that he wouldn't leave me for her based on our long history. Honesty was key, and we had a great time together.

She broke up with him christmas eve and since then things have been really hard. Recently she has taken a very victim standpoint and manipulated our words. She is telling friends and people in our social group that we are sociopaths and manipulated her. She is telling people we used her and planned to hurt her. Worst of all she's an instigator lately trying to pick fights with us.

I don't know what to do. We both loved her very much, had no ulterior motives and never tried to hurt her. Our attempt at poly is genuine and she was truly loved.

Has anything like this happened to you? How do you deal with this type of situation?

LovingRadiance 03-02-2011 02:56 AM

My strongest piece of advice is to ignore her in so much as possible. With others who may bring it up, give them the link to wikipedia's definition of polyamory and remind them (gently) that when a relationship ends (ANY kind of relationship) it's not uncommon for one or both people who were in it to try to make themself out as being the victim in an attempt to gain more attention; that you are sorry she feels the need to do that, but continuing to promote giving her that attention isn't helping her or anyone else.


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