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-   -   Update (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=7248)

ourquad 02-27-2011 06:26 PM

Update
 
Due to many outside responsibilities, I haven't been on the forums in a long time. It isn't that I haven't been interested, it's that I have some limitations....time and finances at the moment for internet access. However, I got a message asking about our quad and it made me realize that I need to update things here.

After four years, our quad relationship ended about one month ago.

Long story made short is....I have boundaries, not rules, but I need honest, respect and integrity. I feel if those are honored, I really don't need "rules". These were constantly being crossed by the other female in our quad.

I ended things with the BF but that doesn't mean I didn't/don't love him. So, I'm dealing with a breakup and it's been since I was a teenager that I actually had to do that the last time.

The relationship with my husband and the other wife has really been over for a while but for the admitting it.

There is so much I have learned through all of this personally and so far my husband and I have come as a couple. I'm very happy with these things.

I'm not trying to be vague here but I don't believe I feel like going into all the ditty gritty of things at this time. I'm still working things out in my head but I did feel the need to post the latest while I had the chance.

Jade 02-27-2011 07:35 PM

I'm so sorry to read this. I hope whatever pain there may be ends quickly.

redpepper 02-27-2011 10:25 PM

ourquad, my thoughts are with you... much love *hugs*

MonoVCPHG 02-27-2011 10:26 PM

Thanks for taking the time to share this with us. Take care and find peace :o

ourquad 02-27-2011 10:51 PM

Thank you all for your thoughts and concern.

This has been sad and painful in many ways, but due to things I do know that it is the right path.

I will share something that is at the root of most of this. The other wife doesn't see the dishonesty and such. She creates her own reality of events. It's something she needs therapy for and I recognize this need. But until someone is ready to see things for themselves and do something about it, there comes a point where it can just be toxic for others.

No regrets and our marriage isn't closed again. Though we are both healing, we are also aware that the day will most likely come that we are ready to meet someone else. And that it is unlikely for us to reach that point at the same time. Right now, we are just supporting each other (though I wasn't romantically involved with the wife) and just enjoying the time we have to spend together for a while.

nycindie 02-28-2011 01:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ourquad (Post 68560)
There is so much I have learned through all of this personally and so far my husband and I have come as a couple. I'm very happy with these things.

This is makes all the pain and any ickiness all worthwhile. Yay for personal growth!

ourquad 02-28-2011 03:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nycindie (Post 68653)
This is makes all the pain and any ickiness all worthwhile. Yay for personal growth!

Yes, the personal growth has been worth it all.


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