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-   -   Im lost and need some help (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=7233)

Ashcorbin 02-27-2011 11:52 AM

Im lost and need some help
Ok long story short, I believe I am poly but haven't had an opportunity or complete understanding of it to fully explore this. Ive had girlfriends but none of them were interested in this idea and quickly left after I brought it up because I don't think I've explained it in a way they could understand.

annnyyyy who Ive now gotten close to a new girl and we've both said I love you and I believe she may be poly as well because she also loves another man but I am unsure how to bring this up or ask her if this would be something she is interested in or even how to explain what it is if she doesn't know, she's young and a little naive so I'm not sure if she even knows about this kind of relationship so I want to be ready for anything since we are both new to this.

please give me anything you think i should take into account before we talk about this

BlackUnicorn 02-27-2011 12:21 PM


Originally Posted by Ashcorbin (Post 68511)
Ive now gotten close to a new girl and we've both said I love you and I believe she may be poly as well because she also loves another man

Hi and welcome!

How was it that you learned of her other love? That's a good starting point, I think.

Ashcorbin 02-27-2011 12:47 PM

Hi and thanks for the warm welcome

the two of us are very honest with each other. we went out on our first date and she had a really good time, then a couple days later she said I love you to a guy on face book so I asked who this guy was and she came out and told me everything I wanted to know about him.... same went with when she had sex with her ex she just came out and said I screwed my ex we discussed it and moved on.

BlackUnicorn 02-27-2011 01:06 PM

Hmm, maybe she has already come out as poly to you, but doesn't know or identify with the term? You could bring up this site in a casual conversation.

Were the discussions guilt-ridden and teary-eyed, or very matter-of-fact?

Ashcorbin 02-27-2011 01:24 PM

she was very apologetic about it both times... she said she was sorry she lead me on and so on and so forth because at first I got really mad. then after I calmed down we discussed it and everything was fine....

then with the ex she told me and again was very apologetic because she thought i would be mad or hurt. when I told her I understood she was relieved and everything was fine until i started doing the whinny needy jealous boyfriend stuff. It was mostly just because I started getting subconscious about myself and me and her still have to discuss that while I try and solve it.

BlackUnicorn 02-27-2011 06:12 PM

Drop in the words 'polyamory' or 'relationship anarchy', or talk about your personal journey in discovering that you are poly. Ask her to read this forum, or any of the other poly resources recommended here. To me it sounds that you are already living more or less poly, but haven't just faced up to it yet.

Best of luck, and do tell us how it went!

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