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-   -   figuring things out (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=710)

leeandlouise 08-31-2009 06:20 PM

figuring things out
My wife and I have been together for 18 years (15 married). We have had our ups and downs but through a number of events we are finally the happiest we have ever been. She met someone last year and started having a platonic yet secretive affair of sorts. After I discovered what was happening I confronted them both and that has led to a chain of events and discussions that has put us (as a couple) in a completely honest and comfortable relationship for the first time in our lives together. I, of course, thought the worst and was still adhering to my thoughts of a monogamous marriage and to be quite honest, it hurt me. But, before we were married I was much more open minded about my relationships and never actually had thought I could participate in a conventional kind of marriage. Apparently, she had felt the same way in the past but we had never really talked about it. As a matter of fact, I don't think we ever REALLY talked about us at all.
She brought up the idea of polyamory and we've been thinking it through for a few weeks now. Neither of us is moving fast but the ball is rolling and she is planning on speaking with her friend to see if he would be interested.
So, here's what I (we) would like to know.
Is there a good way for us to go forward and still feel this resurgence of love we have for each other? Neither of us wants to hurt the other or jeopardize our relationship and family.
I feel a little left out because I don't have anyone and I haven't even tried for so long that I'm scared of it.
Also, how does it work logistically? How is the time handled apart from each other? I'm a little jealous of the time I won't be able to spend with her when she's with her friend.
We would love to speak with another couple that has done this for a while and learn about their experience.

NeonKaos 08-31-2009 06:31 PM

I think you came to the right place. I hope you don't take this in the wrong way, but around here your situation is pretty common. I don't have any first-hand advice to give you, and while I'm sure others would be happy to share their experiences, I might suggest that you browse the forum and you will find answers to most of your questions being given to others who are in the same boat as you are.

Good luck!

Fidelia 08-31-2009 06:36 PM

Hi, leeandlouise. Welcome to the forum.

I don't have any advice or useful tips for you. In fact, your family's transition to poly is going much more smoothly sailing than mine. (Brother, is THAT an understatment!)

I just wanted to welcome you. :)

leeandlouise 08-31-2009 06:49 PM

I appreciate both of your quick replies. Love the trailer, we've got an old Argosy, but that's another forum.
I'm curious what's making Fedelia's transition so tough?

NeonKaos 08-31-2009 06:55 PM


Originally Posted by leeandlouise (Post 5944)
I appreciate both of your quick replies. Love the trailer, we've got an old Argosy, but that's another forum.
I'm curious what's making Fedelia's transition so tough?

It doesn't have to be another forum, but if you really insist, go here:


You can check out this thread for more talk about camping and trailers:


XYZ123 08-31-2009 07:18 PM

Welcome to the forum. All I can tell you is constant communication. You'll get much better advice, I'm sure. But it does seem to be going well for you. You got through the initial conversation and that's never easy.

Fidelia 09-01-2009 03:41 AM


Originally Posted by leeandlouise (Post 5944)
I'm curious what's making Fedelia's transition so tough?

Here's a link to the problem that drove me here: http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showt...=4518#post4518

Now that I'm here, I like it!

redpepper 09-01-2009 09:40 PM

Yes there is a lot on here already that you could read that would answer your questions. Have a look around.

Not that your questions aren't valid in anyway. They are very valid. If there is something you don't get answered after having a good long read please say so and I'm sure someone would reply. Heck, I will reply! I have lots to say about all of the questions, just am not sure I feel like repeating myself again. No what I mean? :)

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