Polyamory.com Forum

Polyamory.com Forum (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/index.php)
-   Poly Relationships Corner (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=4)
-   -   have another question (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=70199)

jewelz 06-10-2014 04:38 PM

have another question
 
So many people gave me some good advice last time, so I'm back for some more.

Our poly is new to us and we are all taking it very slow. But this morning the other female part of our group seemed very upset( lives in our house, but as her own space). How do you bring up sensitive subjects? I want to ask her if myself and hubby having sex bothers her. But just not sure how in the world to bring something like that up.

She is the one I used to talk with about things like this and now I'm not sure that I can. I don't want her to feel uncomfortable with him and I just because we are having sex and she is not. Like I have said this is a slow going thing between the 3 of us.

Any ideas and help would be great.

KC43 06-10-2014 06:50 PM

I might ask her if there's anything about the living arrangement that's bothering her, and if so, does she want to talk about it. That way, you aren't mentioning a potentially uncomfortable subject specifically, and you're opening the door communication-wise.

PolyinPractice 06-10-2014 08:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jewelz (Post 269207)
I don't want her to feel uncomfortable with him and I just because we are having sex and she is not.

Why isn't she having sex with him? Is she on her period or something? It might not be that you are and she isn't, also. Maybe she just feels awkward hearing it; in which case, if you've invited her to live with you, it's probably good manner to be quiet. Or have sex when she isn't around.

Inyourendo 06-10-2014 10:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PolyinPractice (Post 269227)
Why isn't she having sex with him? Is she on her period or something? It might not be that you are and she isn't, also. Maybe she just feels awkward hearing it; in which case, if you've invited her to live with you, it's probably good manner to be quiet. Or have sex when she isn't around.

Maybe it wasn't her night? You don't have to be noisy for people to assume you are having sex. Like at bedtime for instance

OP if it were me I wouldn't bring it up. If you are involved in a poly relationship then dealing with you partner having sex with others us something she will just have to get over. I think going to her would set a precedent. When she has an issue she wants to talk about shell come around

PolyinPractice 06-10-2014 10:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Inyourendo (Post 269232)
Maybe it wasn't her night?

Maybe. I feel like this is the kind of thing that should be discussed BEFORE moving in together.

LovingRadiance 06-11-2014 12:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PolyinPractice (Post 269233)
Maybe. I feel like this is the kind of thing that should be discussed BEFORE moving in together.

It should be discussed. BUT discussing it doesn't mean you aren't going to have emotions about it.

Theoretical acceptance often doesn't pan out to automatically feeling acceptance when you experience the situation.

GalaGirl 06-11-2014 04:25 AM

Quote:

But this morning the other female part of our group seemed very upset( lives in our house, but as her own space). How do you bring up sensitive subjects?
How about something like "You seem upset this morning. Are you doing ok? Anything you want to talk about?"

Keep it simple. Open the door to discussion, but let her own it. If she wants to talk, she can. If not, not.

Galagirl

PolyinPractice 06-11-2014 05:51 AM

This is partially why we don't have "nights." We just fluctuate, based on needs and personal schedule s

Inyourendo 06-11-2014 12:52 PM

And I prefer a schedule. Athough things get shifted at times to accomodate special events etc it keeps things fair to everyone and it also gives me the stability I need.

jewelz 06-11-2014 01:12 PM

Him and her don't have sex. They care for each other but none of us are ready for that step at this point.
She is my best friend of 16years and about 2 years ago needed a place to live. That's why she lives in our home.

All three of us are taking things slow, no one wants to rush into anything and have it go sideways.


All times are GMT. The time now is 07:55 AM.