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-   -   This is us (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=70171)

hispetitelle 06-08-2014 04:45 PM

This is us
Hello. I never thought in a million years I would be writing a post like this. Let me start at the beginning.

I've been married to my amazing husband for 25 years and we've been together for 27. We are an interracial couple. We have 2 children. I had our 1st at 36 an our second at 40. Oy!

3 years ago the real me started coming out. I always knew I was a submissive, but I stuffed it down. My husband is naturally dominate, but we never formally established ourselves as D/s. I also refused to let my fantasies and kinky side be known and so did he. Too much to say right now, but we were afraid to admit what we really desired because we were afraid the other would leave. We both suffered in silence for far too long.

Today we have a beautiful dynamic and are exploring our sexuality in way that we only ever dreamed about. That's why we're here. We have D/s friends that have done something that to me feels like they hit the lottery. One couple is in a well-established D/s relationship and are not married. The other couple is married, but their D/s is new. Both women are bi and both men are straight. They all met through blogging. The four of them have entered into a relationship whereby they are great friends and get together not for swapping, but as they say a "tangled mass of bodies." It struck such a chord with us because this is what we want. We want another couple that we can have as good friends with great chemistry and attraction and be able to get together with every now and then to share our D/s and be sexually intimate with. I guess this is a type of polyamory relationship. We don't want to swap, we want to be right next to each other to keep our connection while at the same time connecting with another couple, thereby making our relationship closer.

So that's who we are. The longer established D/s couple we know we're becoming better and better friends with and you can tell there is attraction between us, but we never want to come between them and the other couple. It is amazing to read of their experiences as it is like a guide to what we want. We seem to be on the same page in desires. Just wish I knew where to look to find a couple like that for us.

Just call me Elle.

kdt26417 06-08-2014 05:49 PM

Greetings Elle,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

I see that you have something pretty specific in mind, and getting involved with the couple you already know isn't an option. The only other route I could think of to suggest would be Fetlife, assuming you're not already active on that site. It's pretty poly-friendly, and even has quite a few poly groups you can join.

There's other avenues for seeking new partners, but I think Fetlife is your best bet so try that for starters and if that doesn't work out I'll share some more "tools from my toolbox."

I hope you'll soon find what you're looking for. In the meantime, take advantage of all the stuff you can learn here. Lots of good threads to start, read, and add to.

Good luck!
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)


There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!

hispetitelle 06-10-2014 01:16 PM

Thank you
Thank you for your encouragement. We are just starting out so we hope things will work out organically. I do know that not limiting ourselves to just certain groups will help while we initially focus on a few specific places. These things take time and I truly believe things happen at the time they happen because it is the proper time for you to receive.

I've poked around a little on Fet, but I know too many people and don't want anyone knowing what we're doing just yet. So please, if you have anything from your tool box to share I'm all ears.

kdt26417 06-10-2014 05:49 PM

Heh, toolbox coming up.
The above is a mishmash of poly-friendly dating sites, resources for finding various poly communities (both local to you and otherwise), and our own Dating & Friendships subforum (a bulletin board for seeking out individuals near you).

Where do you find poly people?

"As for where to meet poly people, if by some chance you are interested in anything alternative like Renaissance fairs, goth culture, sci-fi conventions, indie music, bdsm, or any small fringe group, you will be more likely to meet people who have at least heard of poly and are accepting of it."
-- SpaceHippieGeek, Polyamorous Percolations
Even if it's not an "alternative" type group, if there's a club or something in your area that does something you're interested in, you can always join that group and it just gives you a way to get out there and meet people. If you meet someone on a platonic level and get to talking about poly, then they can decide how they feel about it without any "pressure to agree." Then if they do decide poly doesn't bother them too much, and some kind of romantic connection subsequently develops, you'll already have "had the poly conversation" with them.

In addition, I know of a number of good threads on PolyPercs (a second poly forum) on the subject. Let me know if you're interested in that additional info as well. I can provide.

They say you always find the romance you're looking for right at the moment when you stop looking for it. So there's something to be said for just being you, and being happy being you. Being out there in "meatspace" where you can meet various people (poly or otherwise) in person of course also helps. But like you said, who knows when, where, and how the dynamic you desire might come together? Just be open to it and prepare yourself through such things as your participation here.

Regards and well wishes,
Kevin T.

nycindie 06-12-2014 12:15 AM

If your friends are poly, it is possible that your getting involved with one of the couples would not be considered "getting in between" anyone. Maybe they are open to others as well. Why not ask?

As far as "swapping versus poly," what you want could be accomplished within either a poly or swinging dynamic. Lots of swinger couples maintain good, close friendships and do more than just sexual activities with other couples they get it on with, whether in the same room or separately. You may want to check out some swinger sites or clubs, and go just as observers, and see if you meet anyone who is open to cultivating friendships with swing partners outside of the bedroom.

What generally makes it a poly Quad instead of swinging is allowing for the possibility of falling in love. In polyamory groups, you might meet some poly people who get into group sex but you might not. Lots of polyfolk do not participate in group sex. But lots do, there's no predicting. You may or may not have as much success finding a couple who would be open to your ideal - it depends on what sort of tone is set in the groups in your area. In many places, there are poly-kink crossover groups.

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