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Pepperjack 06-03-2014 12:08 AM

New to this
 
Not sure how to introduce myself and our relationship(s), so I guess I'll just jump right in...

My husband, D (28) and I (28) have been married for 4 years, together for 5. We have two VERY young children (3.5 year old girl and one month old boy.) Shortly after I became pregnant with our son my husband admitted to me that he'd been having a long term, long distance relationship with L (25) for almost 2 years. I was quite shocked, not over the affair but at my own reaction and feelings about it coming out. I wasn't hurt or particularly jealous. I suggested (half jokingly) that maybe we should just have an open marriage because our home life is stable and loving, I am a stay at home mom, he has a good career, we are best friends and lovers. It's just that he felt something missing in his life and came to develop feelings for another woman. I told him honestly that I had also felt there was a "something" missing in my life. I had wanted to ask him to consider an open marriage for a long time but was afraid of hurting or losing him. After several lengthy discussions we decided to attempt it. He would continue his relationship with L and I was open to date. Obviously at the time I was pregnant and not too into dating at the time. I met a few people but nobody I wanted to pursue. Most people hear that their partner is involved with someone else and they split up. On the contrary, I feel this revelation about our feelings has brought D and I closer together. Without the underlying guilt and pressure he must have felt over carrying on an affair, and without my fear of asking for this sort of open relationship in the first place, I feel we've are now closer friends, more passionate lovers, and better parents, all because we are far more open and honest with each other.

Shortly after our son was born I actually started talking to L on my own. It was a bit awkward at first but over the past month we have become friends. We talk every day. I told L that this is a surreal experience for me. Never in my wildest dreams did I see myself becoming such fast friends with my husband's girlfriend. She agreed it was equally strange, yet fun and exciting, to be talking so openly with me. D seems quite happy that we are getting along and the other night he suggested we all spend some time together. L is a student and the summer off, so we asked her if she'd like to come visit us all for a few days or a week. It will give me the chance to spend time with her alone while D is at work, and time for us all to interact together in the evenings. D says he is also interested in seeing her interact with the kids because he obviously can't start a more serious relationship with L if she isn't ok with them. L has one year of school left and the area where D and I live is sort of a mecca of opportunities for her chosen career path, so she's interested in seeing and learning more about the area. She is coming next week and we are all extremely excited.

Obviously there are moments when I feel like maybe this is all happening so fast, maybe too fast. On the other hand I also feel an amazing sense of "rightness", like things are falling into place for a reason. I know there are a lot of potential pitfalls, and nobody knows what the future holds, but carpe diem, right?

kdt26417 06-03-2014 02:12 AM

Greetings Pepperjack,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Carpe diem, don't look a gift horse in the mouth, and if it ain't broke don't fix it. Things are working out well for you guys so far, so I think you must be doing something right. As long as you do a lot of good communicating with each other, you should be able to continue to take steps toward being closer friends and lovers.

Kudos for your open-minded reaction to the thing with L. D is a lucky man. I hope the three of you end up sharing many warm fuzzies, and I hope Polyamory.com will prove to be a good resource for you, for info, advice, venting, whatever you need. Congratulations on your successful poly journey so far!

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

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