Polyamory.com Forum

Polyamory.com Forum (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/index.php)
-   Poly Relationships Corner (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=4)
-   -   V heading for the future (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=69831)

Norwegianpoly 04-28-2014 08:30 PM

V heading for the future
 
We are an international V of 7 months; I am the hinge. I live most of the time with my husband and have been visiting my boyfriend every 1-2 months for a couple of days. Now my boys just met for the first time. And I will spend a week every month with my boyfriend and live with him. All the changes are a lot for us. To my boyfriend, I am his first serious relationship, he uses big words to describe our relationship and he looks forward to us finding a flat together. At the same time, the seriousness scares him, especially the fact that we are not open to all his family yet (nor mine and my husband's) and what would they say if they knew? Certainly, choosing me over for instance his mother would be hard of him.

Of course, being poly is not usual in my country. In his, it hardly makes any sense. I see all of this. Still, I worry because he seem stressed and I am sometimes hurt because he does not believe fully in us.

Any suggestions on how I can go about to take good care of all of us?

Bluebird 04-29-2014 01:17 AM

It's not exactly common in the US - certainly not where I live. I too, am the hinge of a vee.

For the first couple of months of dating my boyfriend, I spent 3 days a week at his place and then 4 days with my husband at my house. We have transitioned now to my boyfriend moving in with us. Only recently did we become out to all of our extended family - but I definitely thought it important that they knew, so we wouldn't have this dread and anxiousness hanging over us. It would just temper our happiness too much. If your boyfriend has said that he would have a difficult time choosing you over his mother - well, you know where you stand. I guess you need to decide whether you want to have that worry or not.

Norwegianpoly 04-30-2014 12:07 PM

"It's not exactly common in the US - certainly not where I live. I too, am the hinge of a vee.

For the first couple of months of dating my boyfriend, I spent 3 days a week at his place and then 4 days with my husband at my house. We have transitioned now to my boyfriend moving in with us. Only recently did we become out to all of our extended family - but I definitely thought it important that they knew, so we wouldn't have this dread and anxiousness hanging over us. It would just temper our happiness too much. If your boyfriend has said that he would have a difficult time choosing you over his mother - well, you know where you stand. I guess you need to decide whether you want to have that worry or not."

It would certainly be easier if I could seperate the week between them. Staying one week a month in his country is the best I can do so far, exept for holidays. I think it can work, at least this year. If we moved together all of us I would feel a need to tell family, too. Well, as a matter of fact I feel a need now as well, but I want to take it slow so that I have gotten used to it myself.

What he actually said was more along the lines of that he feared that if he was open about living with (and hence choosing) me, he could not go back home. I am grateful that he shared his concern with me, but of course I worry, too.


All times are GMT. The time now is 06:40 PM.