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-   -   Mixed orientation marriage in Manitoba (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=69482)

Rhia 03-31-2014 08:59 PM

Mixed orientation marriage in Manitoba
 
Hello, I am new here and just want to say Hi.
I am in a mixed orientation marriage, been married 21+ years. New to open relationships and poly-curious.

kdt26417 04-01-2014 03:51 AM

Greetings Rhia,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

We should be able to provide any information you need about poly/open relationships. Have a look around, and post any questions you may have. I'll be following this particular thread so you know you can always ping me here.

Interested in hearing more of your story if you care to tell some more. There's even a Life stories and blogs board for that sort of thing if you're interested. Let me know if you start a blog there; I'd like to read it!

Glad you could join us.
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!

SchrodingersCat 04-01-2014 07:31 AM

I grew up in Winnipeg. Great place to move away from... But in all seriousness, welcome to the forum! I remember there was a bit of a poly scene out there, but mostly it was mixed in with the thriving kink scene. I met Gralson at a Black and Blue Ball...

Rhia 04-03-2014 12:46 AM

Thanks for the warm welcome replies.
A bit about myself: I am 48, married for 21+ years to husband, 49. We have one son, 18. Just over a year ago husband came out to me as gay. One evening he left me a note confronting me about a long-distance, email relationship that had become rather intimate and affectionate. I was feeling very guilty for my infidelity (yes, even though there was no physical contact and was online only, it was an affair and cheating). We talked and cried and I felt horrible, but he told me that I didn't need to feel so guilty. I couldn't understand why he would say that. It was then that he told me that he had been having sexual hook-ups with men for the past 15 years of our marriage, and he came out to me as gay (or as I have seen it put "one woman short of gay".) I had suspected his same sex attraction for a long time as I had come across his gay porn collection (magazines and online) before. Each time I had confronted him and asked him then if he was gay and it was denied. He had been denying it to himself since adolescence. And I had been denying the evidence. It was very much a "don't ask, don't tell" situation for both of us. We realized that this could not continue.

Long story short, we have had counselling, both individual and couple therapy. We are determined to make a go of this marriage as we both love each other and cannot imagine life without the other. But obviously as a woman, I cannot meet some of his sexual/emotional needs. So we have agreed to open our marriage so he can seek out a male Friend with Benefits/Closed Loop Relationship. My side is also open, so that if I want, I can seek a similar arrangement for myself. I have, with his blessing, kept up my online relationship after a brief break of several months after initial disclosure.

At this point I am still learning to deal with emotional aspects to all of this. I "get it" intellectually and we have the most rational conversations and discussions. My emotions, however, are going at a much slower pace and I experience emotional upheavals. It has been likened to a roller coaster ride and I say the metaphor is very apt. I have feelings of jealousy, and anger, and self-righteousness, and a host of others, but underneath it all is fear of being abandoned.

I look forward to reading past posts and others' life stories and contributing to discussions.

kdt26417 04-03-2014 01:21 AM

Thanks Rhia, that is good information and I know emotionally it is probably hard to talk about at this early stage. I hope you and your husband will try to take things slowly, so that you can start to acclimatize to this "strange new normal." There's a lot of good reading material on this site, and you can of course post any questions and such too as they arise. Learning all you can about polyamory is a part of the process of trying it on for size.

Again I appreciate your sharing.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.

TwoFor4Play 04-03-2014 05:32 PM

A quick hello to fellow Canadians. There are a lot of nice folks on here.


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