Polyamory.com Forum

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Coldtoes 03-30-2014 09:54 PM

Searching
 
Hi I have been lurking here on and off for about a year.
Trying to see if this life style may be just what I am meant for.

I got married young to my high school sweet heart, could never be without him. 20 years together in a loving and still very intimate relationship I can't help feeling I need more love and intimate connections in my life.

For a while I believed what society said and thought I must have married the wrong person or must just be very selfish but the truth is I am just a person who falls in love with people's souls and can't seem to be satisfied putting up boundaries between myself and people I love because of the religious programming of society. How could more love be a bad thing?

I have not cheated but have met another soul I love. It's doubtful that one will work out but it feels like I know what I need now.

I'm curious how others came to the conclusion poly might just be who they are.

Tiberius 03-30-2014 09:59 PM

Have you told your husband? Not necessarily told him that there's someone else you are interested in, but that you're polyamorous?

Coldtoes 03-30-2014 10:32 PM

Hi Tiberius - I have brought the idea up a few times over the last few months.
I am pretty much an open book. Part of my struggles with this and the guilt about how I feel has even led me to repeatedly ask him to find a normal woman because I love him enough not to want him to have to deal with this because of me.

He seems to be his calm loving self and wants to look into it if it is what I need and he hopes he can make it work.

Very scary for both of us but I have trouble not trying something that seems so true to me out of fear.

Tiberius 03-31-2014 02:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Coldtoes (Post 263477)
Hi Tiberius - I have brought the idea up a few times over the last few months.
I am pretty much an open book. Part of my struggles with this and the guilt about how I feel has even led me to repeatedly ask him to find a normal woman because I love him enough not to want him to have to deal with this because of me.

He seems to be his calm loving self and wants to look into it if it is what I need and he hopes he can make it work.

Very scary for both of us but I have trouble not trying something that seems so true to me out of fear.

I don't think the idea that he needs a "normal" woman is something that needs to be explored. (You are not abnormal for wanting more relationships, so don't beat yourself up about it.) It seems like he loves you dearly and wants to stay in the relationship with you. Don't tell him to leave you and find someone else because you are feeling guilty over some perceived harm you are causing. He's chosen to be with you. Remember that.

The fact that you two have spoken about it and is willing to explore the idea of polyamory is also good.

Coldtoes 03-31-2014 03:14 AM

Thanks for that. Tiberius :) very much.

kdt26417 03-31-2014 06:21 PM

Greetings Coldtoes,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Re (from OP):
Quote:

"I'm curious how others came to the conclusion poly might just be who they are."
Thing is, I don't think of poly as being who I am. It is just one of the parts of my life that I have decided to accept. Who I am is a much larger set of things and poly exists within that larger framework.

But, I guess what made poly a reality in my life was when I fell in love with a married woman, and then we had to figure out what to do about that without ruining her marriage. We learned about poly at that time, and started to discuss it with our spouses.

I am glad that you have identified this important part of your life, and that your husband has been so loving and supportive about it. Use Polyamory.com to help you find the best way to pursue this new model of loving people.

Glad you could join us.
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

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